


I'll follow you into the dark

by Clockwork_hourglass



Category: Free!
Genre: Car Accidents, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mental Health Issues, hospital things including patient death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-01
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-07-28 17:34:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 32,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7650082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clockwork_hourglass/pseuds/Clockwork_hourglass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rin has finally been forced to face his emotions along with his roomate Nitori, Haru and Makoto are stumbling through their first job at a hospital and Rei is trying to forgive himself along with Nagisa's help. </p>
<p>warning: there will be sensitive content in this story relating to mental illness so please don't read if that will hurt you, also I'm aware characters will be ooc because well this doesn't happen in the anime.</p>
<p>also published on Quotev under the same name and author</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Rin sat with his head in his hands, he didn't want to face the room around him anymore with its pale blue walls that were, he was sure supposed to be calming but they just infuriated the male. Sighing he lifted himself up and rested a hand on the edge of the armchair, the woman across from him flinched and he felt rage surge inside of him.

“Rin, this is the best place for you while you figure things out” the woman hesitantly put a hand out towards her son but he shook her off turning his gaze to the younger female sitting with them. Her red eyes so like his own were watery but she was keeping her gaze steady, he knew it would be no use resisting and slumped back into the cushion.

“Fine, I’ll stay” both girls breathed out in relief and exchanged small smiles, all three stood up and Rin reluctantly hugged them goodbye watching them walk through the automatic doors he longed to walk through himself.

“Mr. Matsuoka shall I show you to your room?” a man with short brown hair and a small box gestured to a long corridor.

“Just call me Rin” the redhead said through gritted teeth, the man nodded smiling kindly as he led Rin down towards a door marked 312 on it in off white tape.

“As i'm sure you know you’ll be sharing a room with a roommate chosen based on compatibility, Nitori is a quiet one so you guys should get along okay” the man set down the box on a bed on the left side of the room, it was already made with simple black and white linen and there was a shelf on the wall with a small table below it. Rin lingered in the doorway not wanting to step into his new room yet; it made a change having somewhere to come back to each night since he spent more of them than he cared to admit in a blur usually waking up on a stranger’s floor.

“I’m sure you’d like to get settled in Rin but as you can see your roommate isn’t here right now; he's attending a group session at the moment one that we’d like you to sit in on. You don't have to participate today just watch, but from tomorrow onwards you will be expected to join in with all of the aspects of your programme” the man said firmly the words piercing through Rin’s skull as the reality of the situation began to sink in. He stayed silent and passively allowed himself to be led out of the room aware of the hand on his shoulder that five minutes ago he probably would’ve broken had it been placed on him. They stopped in front of another door with glass panels in it, through them Rin could see chairs arranged in a circle in the centre of the room. The man pushed the door open and led Rin over to a blue sofa to the right of the group next to a water cooler, some members of the group followed him with their eyes as he came in, others stayed stock still and the woman who was obviously leading the session gave him a smile as she continued talking.

“Alright Rin, i've got to go now but after this dinner will be served in the dining hall and then you have an hour of free time before lights out. If you need anything don’t hesitate to ask Kayo” he pointed to the woman leading the session and Rin nodded mutely, he’d only been here for an hour and he was already exhausted.

~

Makoto took hold of the young boy’s chubby arm and gently removed the blood pressure cuff, the boy was already sniffling and the olive haired boy smiled at him gently trying to reassure him. The boy’s mother was crouched next to him holding her son’s hand as Makoto readied the needle, careful to keep it out of sight while he prepared everything.

“I’m just going to take some blood is that alright?” he asked the youngster who looked frightened but nodded.

“I trust you Mako” Makoto smiled and exchanged a look with the mother who distracted her child with the pictures on the walls, while he gently stuck the needle into the crook of the boys arm after wiping it with disinfectant. He felt the boy tense slightly but as his wide eyes went to his arm the needle was already gone and Makoto was taping a cotton ball over the area smiling, he held out a sticker for the boy who grinned and hugged the nurse.

“Thanks Mr Tachibana” the boy’s mother smiled at him as the youngster bounded about happily now that all his tests were done, the green eyed boy shrugged off the praise, he was just glad the kid took it well he’d had some troublesome ones in the past. He chuckled to himself, he’d only been working here a few months yet the hospital was already like a second home to him, his regular patients all called him Mako as well which warmed his heart.

“I hope it comes back negative” he whispered to the woman as she waved goodbye to the nurse and nodded gratefully, Yuki had been in here four times already but they still couldn’t figure out what was wrong with him. Makoto hoped it would turn out to just be making something out of nothing.  
Exiting the room Makoto handed the boys bloods and other records to someone behind the desk before spotting a familiar head of black hair by the coffee machine.

“Going for lunch Haru?” the blue eyed boy looked up at Makoto and nodded, he had been browsing the types of coffee on offer despite the fact they all tasted like watered down soil but gave up and started towards the cafeteria. Makoto followed, he was used to the doctor’s cold attitude and knew that he cared for his patients more than he let on, he remembered how nervous he was in med school when he was revising diagnosis’s with the olive haired male.

“How’s Yuki?” the blue eyed boy asked his face betraying no emotion as he picked up a tray and browsed the selection of food.

“More tests, I hope it’s nothing serious”

“I'm sure he’ll be fine” Makoto appreciated the support from the other male, their jobs could only get tougher from here and neither one had experienced anything serious yet, but that just made them all the more anxious whenever they had a patient who displayed worrying symptoms. Haru put mackerel and rice onto his plate and Makoto chuckled at the doctor’s usual meal choosing a curry for himself, they spotted an empty table and sat down.

~

‘When was the last time I talked to anyone other than doctors?’ the blue haired male thought as he rested his forehead on his hands, lifting his head his eyes wandered over to the body next to him. The pale skin rivalled the white bed sheets and the faint blue lines running through like paint streaked on a canvas were only pulsing weakly, if steady beep of the monitor was anything to go by. ‘She looks dead already’ Rei thought as he brushed a strand of hair back from the woman’s face, a part of him expected her to open her eyes at any moment and jump up telling him that this was all just a bad dream or that he was on a comedy show. Then they could laugh about it and he could walk out of here and hopefully never have to return, the smell of disinfectant and artificial air freshener made him feel sick and he felt tears prick his eyes as his brain registered the cold sensation where his fingers had touched her skin. But he forced a smile and held his head up taking her limp hand in his trying not to think of how lifeless it felt between his palms.

“I’ll be back tomorrow” he managed to whisper gently laying her hand back and letting the door close behind him, clutching the strap of his bag he caught sight of himself in the reflection of a bulletin board advertising various health checks. His purple eyes were washed out and bags hung underneath them, his skin was greasy and his hair was a mess, he vaguely wondered when he’d last taken a shower as he felt his pocket vibrate.

One new message.

Mr. Ryugazaki,

I'm still waiting on your previous assignment and will be informing the board if you do not hand it in by Monday, I understand you are under some stress at the present time but please do not neglect your studies. Failure to hand in  
work will result in your expulsion from the course.

Thank you

Sighing Rei ran a hand through his hair and turned towards the stairs to head home and start working, between visiting the hospital and his part time job his focus hadn’t been on his schoolwork, his dissertation would be coming up soon and he would graduate a few months after. His gaze lingered on the room he had just been in one more time before he pushed open the door and immediately stopped in his tracks. There was a blonde boy clinging to the banister who looked up when the blue haired boy opened the door, his pink eyes widened slightly and he slowly peeled himself off and sheepishly gestured for Rei to continue on his way. He was wearing what looked like a onesie fully zipped to the neck and he looked like he’d run off without his parents or something.

“What were you doing?” Rei knew he was wasting time but he just had to ask, I mean why would anyone be straddling a banister, in a hospital no less?

“Banister sliding” the blonde giggled and ran over his eyes sparkling.

“Wanna join me?” Rei shook his head and started walking down the stairs, a minute later a blur shot past him and he saw the boy jump off the banister landing just in front of him.

“That was fun! So are you here for tests?” Rei was taken aback by the boy’s carefree attitude and casualness of asking someone’s reason for being here.

“I was visiting someone” he said quietly and the boy nodded solemnly before grinning and waving.

“Well I’ll see you later glasses guy!” the blonde ran off before Rei could call him out on the horrible nickname but despite it he found himself chuckling at the name, catching himself he felt guilt wash over him. How could he laugh when she was upstairs not even able to open her eyes? His hands closed into fists until he felt a sharp pain from his fingernails digging into his palms, sighing and releasing his hands he exited the stairwell and headed for the exit.


	2. Chapter two

Rin walked out of the group session with his head spinning slightly; in all honesty he hadn’t listened so much as sat there in his own self loathing and regret for letting his family talk him into this. He wanted a drink. That would help, for a while anyway. Shaking his head to rid himself of useless thoughts he picked up a tray from the rack and got into the line, no chance of any alcohol inside these walls aside from disinfectant or that gross anti-bacterial sanitizer in the bathrooms and he sure as hell wasn’t going to drink either of those. Some sort of stew was piled on his plate and much as he would hate to admit it it tasted good, it reminded him of when he used to eat meals at home if he could still call it that anymore, both his mother and Gou were scared of his outbursts and they didn't know how to deal with his mood swings. Rin didn't know how to deal with them either or anything really; there was just too much stress and pressure in the world for him to function properly. Thinking about home made it hard to swallow so he dumped half of his dinner in the bin and followed the numbers on the doors back to his room; ‘Nitori’ still wasn’t back so the redhead looked through the box on his bed. his running shoes were in there and he slipped them on, other than that it was full of necessities like toothbrushes but somehow his shark towel had made it in, he guessed that didn't count as a dangerous item then although he didn't see why it would. Maybe he could rip it up and use it as a noose? He dismissed the pointless idea that was mainly just his brain over thinking things as usual and rummaged through until he found some hair bands, of course without metal bits in them but they would do he thought tying his red locks into a small ponytail. Exiting the room he saw the woman from earlier passing and realised he was ready to run but had nowhere to run to.

“Everything alright Rin?” she seemed to notice his distress and came over smiling, skipping over the part where she already knew his name Rin swallowed.

“Uh where can I run around here?” she pointed out a door which lead to the outside.

“You can go anywhere on the paths but don't try to leave the premises okay?” he nodded and immediately ran off, he was starting to get annoyed with these people constantly smiling at him like they understood what he was going through. Weaving through the various trees along the paths he spotted a few benches dotted around with people sitting on them, one girl with short blonde hair was just staring into space and he almost stopped and froze in fear.

‘Do I look that weird when I get like that?’ he thought as he kept running trying to bury his emotions down inside him and just focus on running, in out in out his breaths getting shorter as he pushed his body unaware that he was speeding up. Stopping suddenly Rin leant against a nearby tree resting his head on the bark his hands tangled in his hair, everything was becoming overwhelming again and he didn't know what to do. ‘This is pathetic’ negative thoughts kept running through his head faster than he could keep track of them ‘I don't blame them for being scared of me’ it was getting harder to breathe and he felt like his skull would burst from the pressure.

Beep beep, beep beep

The sound of an alarm broke him from his panic and he looked around in shock, he saw someone he recognised as staff (the smile gave it away) walking over to him holding up a phone.

“Rin right? It’s almost lights out so you’d better get back, do you know the way?” sweat dripping down his back Rin stood up shakily and started walking back towards the building in silence. Pushing his hair back from his face he found his room and practically fell into the door heading straight for the bathroom, or he would’ve done had there not been someone sitting on the floor.

“You must be Rin” his red eyes took in the smaller male, his short grey hair hanging limp against his pale skin, blue eyes that looked almost translucent, as he stood up and held out a hand to open the bathroom door for Rin he could see lines criss crossing the boys wrists some old, some fairly fresh.

“The shampoo and stuff is in the cabinet if you want to shower” Rin just nodded and stumbled into the bathroom locking the door behind him, he was somewhat taken aback by the boy, it was clear to see that he was suffering. ‘So different from myself’ he thought thinking of how he had been holding down a job and was able to go out with his colleagues and appear normal, that boy hadn’t bothered faking a smile or hiding his scars. The brief meeting had shaken Rin slightly but he was feeling calmer now that the adrenaline and panic had started to dissipate, throwing his clothes in a heap he stood under the hot water and let it wash over him, when he was done he saw there were pyjamas in a basket and took a pair.

“i'm Nitori Aiichirou by the way” the grey haired boy was sitting on the bed this time staring up at the ceiling while he absentmindedly ran his fingers over the marks on his arms, Rin shivered and reminded himself that he was fine ‘I'm here for the drinking’ he kept telling himself, anything was better than facing the alternative.

“Whatever, I'm going to sleep so don't disturb me” he heard himself respond in his usual angry tone but was too tired to contemplate his mood at this point and anyway, he knew it would probably take him at least an hour of tossing and turning to get to sleep. He didn't have time to spend digging through his thought processes right now.  
~

Haru went about his morning rounds with the other doctors before going off to check on his patients, he greeted the receptionist with a nod when he walked into paediatrics and noticed Makoto handing a lollipop to a girl who had just given blood. Everyone was surprised when Haru went into medicine and particularly his choice to work in paediatrics but this didn’t stop them placing high expectations on him to do well, it was worse when he was with Makoto because they always compared the two. Haru with his cold exterior and logical thinking while Makoto was warm hearted and children loved him and trusted him easily; bringing Makoto near his family wasn’t something the blue eyed male did often. He couldn’t help compare himself to Makoto sometimes but he thought that the opposite was probably true; Makoto may feel bitter about not having the money to become a doctor and so instead became a nurse but Haru had never asked so he didn't know. He was glad to have the male around though, he had supported him through med school when he found the pressure from his family overbearing and they were good friends regardless of what Haru’s family thought.

“How are you feeling today?” he walked into the room of one of his oldest patients a 12 year old boy with congenital heart disease, he had been transferred to Haru’s care so he could get used to treating conditions that required lifelong care.

“I'm okay Mr. Nanase” Haru was always taken aback by the young boy’s ability to cope with what is something thats a huge part of his life, every time he comes in for checkups he always smiles at the nurses and doesn't cry about having tests done. Haru gave the boy a small smile as he checked him over, since he wasn’t specialised in cardiology another doctor was observing and would make sure everything was working well with the valve. It was the blue eyed boy’s job to make sure there was nothing wrong with the boy physically and check for infection.

“All good, you're doing well” the boy smiled at the young doctor who took his leave nodding as the cardiologist took over, Makoto was waiting outside the door for him smiling and they went to their next patient together.

“How’s your favourite heart patient?” the green eyed boy asked while they walked knowing that Haru had a soft spot for the 12 year old.

“He’s my only heart patient” Haru replied coolly making Makoto laugh.

“You never change Haru, ah I've got to go this way to see if Yuki’s test results are ready” Makoto ran off down the corridor as Haru checked the pager at his waist as he went to replace an IV that the child had managed to pull out. He loved his job though and wouldn’t trade it for anything.

~

Rei walked out of his last lecture of the day thankful that he didn't have work this evening, he had barely slept in order to finish his assignment and was now back on track in terms of school, well until the next paper was thrown his way. He got to the hospital and greeted the receptionist tiredly as he ascended the stairs, it had become routine even though it had only happened a few weeks ago, he himself still had stitches holding together a large gash on his leg and his forehead was starting to scar where the glass had torn through his skin. He sat down in the familiar chair by the bed and looked over her face, he didn't know if he was expecting to see a change because there was none he could see, who knows what could be happening on the inside though? Too lost in his thoughts the blunette didn't realise someone opening the door and coming in.

“Is this your girlfriend?” Rei almost jumped out of his skin at the voice, he looked up to see pink eyes staring at the girl in the bed beside him, he noticed the blonde was wearing the same onesie but didn't question it too much.

“No, my best friend” the blonde nodded at Rei’s soft tone and went over to open the window letting in a cold blast of air that caught the strands lying against the girls cheeks, Rei felt anger surge through him and stormed over to the blonde.

“What do you think you're doing?!” the blonde held up his hands innocently and peered round Rei to look at the girl.

“I just think she’d be happier if she could feel the breeze, it must be horrible to stay stuck in here with only the monitors for company, now she can listen to the birds” Rei looked back at his friend her hair blowing gently in the breeze exposing her ears as if she really was straining to hear the birds outside.

“You're right, she always did love the outside” he felt his throat close and swallowed to get past the thick lump in his oesophagus, blinking back tears he turned to look out of the window himself allowing memories of her to invade his mind just for a minute.

“I’m sorry glasses guy, I should’ve thought before just going ahead and doing that, I’ll go now” Rei whipped round to see the blonde boy with his hand on the door handle.

“Wait, it’s not your fault, I just thought... that I could maybe protect her in here but I shouldn’t have locked out the world that she loved so much. And my name is Rei, just so you know” he smiled at the boy feeling awkward, this was the first person he’d talked to aside from lecturers and customers in at least a fortnight. The boy apparently had no trouble socializing and broke into a wide grin taking his hand off the handle and settling himself crossed legged on the floor while Rei sank back into the chair.

“I'm Nagisa nice to meet you!” he stuck his hand out and Rei gently shook it.

“What brings you here Nagisa? Did you come with your parents?” the blonde pouted and turned away slightly.

“Rude, i'm eighteen you know” ‘he’s only a year younger than me?’ Rei thought surprised as he looked more closely at the boy, now he looked he could see the defined edge of his jaw line did hint at adolescence, it was the pink starry onesie that made him look childish.

“I'm sorry Nagisa its just...that onesie” Rei found himself laughing at the realised he was sitting in a hospital talking to a stranger in a pink onesie who was almost as old as him, maybe the sleep deprivation was finally getting to him.

“Do you like it? Matches my eyes right?” Nagisa framed his eyes with his fingers as is he was trying to see better which just made the blunette laugh more, the blonde seemed a little confused but chucked at the boy.

“How old are you then, it must be pretty old if you need glasses” Rei stopped laughing and adjusted his red frames.

“Hey i'm only nineteen!” he shouted before clasping his hands over his mouth, he glanced over at the girl still laying in the bed her hands folded over her chest, the hysteria dissolved as Rei came back down to earth.

“You shouldn’t do that Rei” the boy stared at him suddenly serious.

“Do what?”

“Don't stop being happy because you feel guilty, I'm sure she would want to see you smiling wouldn’t she?” Rei just stared at the boy as he stood up and walked out leaving the blunette alone with the girl, his purple eyes widened slightly, ‘would you forgive me for laughing if you could talk to me right now?’.

“I wish you were awake to tell me” he whispered to her making sure he closed the window before he left but not before promising to bring flowers next time, so she could be close to nature while surrounded by white walls and IV drips.


	3. Chapter three

Rin awoke to the sunlight bleeding through the curtains and it took him a second to realise where he was, blinking until his vision cleared his gaze locked onto the bed opposite his, Nitori was curled into a ball with his blankets tangled in his legs. Tear tracks streaked the boy’s cheeks and his eyes were squeezed shut in a painful expression as he clutched the pillow with white knuckles, Rin tried to get out of the bed without disturbing the boy but as soon as he got up the blue eyes snapped open. Rin watched as Nitori tried to calm his breathing before sitting up and running a hand through his grey hair, his pajamas were drenched in sweat and he looked like he hadn’t slept at all although this obviously wasn’t the case.

“Do you err, want the bathroom first?” the grey haired boy nodded and padded into the bathroom leaning against the closed door closing his eyes as the images slowly faded away with consciousness.

“Nightmares again huh, its only my third day here I guess it’s too soon to wish for improvement” Nitori whispered to himself as he peeled off his wet clothes and dropped them disgusted into the washing basket, after showering he looked at himself in the mirror. As usual he wasn’t happy with what he saw and didn’t see a reason to hide that from anyone, so he didn’t bother with anything more than running his fingers through his hair and splashing water on his face. As he walked out he saw Rin’s eyes flick to him and he gestured to the bathroom indicating that he was done, the redhead didn’t move but Nitori noticed he was already dressed. He thought about talking to the other male but as usual the rising anxiety in the pit of his stomach stopped him, ‘why would he want to talk to you?’, ‘yeah he has his own problems he doesn’t need you as well’. Nitori tried to ignore the voice in his head and suppressed a sigh as he went to put his shoes on, all he wanted to do was curl up into a ball and sleep and never wake up but he knew this was just the depression talking, people kept telling him there were reasons to live but he hadn’t found any yet.

“So do you want to get some breakfast?” the grey haired boy was confused with the male’s behaviour, last night he hadn’t wanted to associate with him and now he was being nice and offering to eat together?

“Why are you being nice to me?” Rin seemed taken aback by the question and took a second to think about his answer.

“Well were both heading that way right?” Rin said the rough edge back in his voice and he averted his eyes, ‘of course, it’s not like he wanted to be friends or anything’, ‘you’re not worthy of friendship remember’.

“Shut up shut up shut up” Nitori whispered to himself as he bent down to tie up his shoes, he was tired of his brain constantly fighting itself and he wasn’t sure if he really was worth anything or not anymore.

“I guess so” straitening back up he replied to the redhead and they walked out of the room together. Rin noticed the boy seemed to be experiencing some inner turmoil and wondered what he was thinking, since Rin was often confused with his own emotions he understood what the boy was going through. Part of him wanted to reach out and try to comfort him but another part of him wanted to push the boy away and everything he represented. Even the way he walked was weak and lifeless, when they got to the dining hall and sat down the boy barely ate anything, despite being so skinny and his eyes swam with despair and anxiety.

“Are you err, alright?” Rin asked somewhat unsure of why he was doing so, the boy looked up his eyes wide in surprise and Rin wondered if anyone had ever shown any consideration towards him, emotional and drinking problems aside the redhead at least had his family supporting him and he was aware how lucky he was.

“Is anyone in here ‘alright’?” Nitori replied with a small smile and took a sip of water.

“I just meant because, well you didn’t seem to sleep well last night”

“Neither did you, you tossed and turned for about two hours straight” the honesty hit Rin in the chest and he took a deep breath before continuing.

“Fair point but I mean do you wanna talk about it?” ‘Why am I asking him all this?’ Rin wondered as he pushed his breakfast to the side and watched the grey haired boys eyes dart around nervously, anywhere that wasn’t directed at him. ‘Maybe I’m trying to distract myself from my own problems’ Rin thought as the boy started breathing faster.

“I-I can’t right now” Nitori suddenly shot up and walked quickly towards the door his hands shaking as he plunged them deep into his pockets to conceal them, this only confirmed to him all those other times people had told him that he couldn’t socialize properly, that he’d never have any friends. That he would be alone forever.  
“But I just left him alone too” he whispered as he walked quickly down the hall hands balled into fists inside his hoodie as he kept his head down to hide the tears that fell.

~

Haru was woken up by his pager demanding his attention again, looking at his watch he sighed at the mere fifteen minutes of sleep he had managed to catch in-between running around. This wasn’t his first night on call but he still wasn’t used to being woken up fifty times a night, the hospital was slightly eerie at night too, Haru had never managed to become as comfortable with the place as Makoto had. But once he was up and seeing to whatever patient needed him the tiredness melted away and he worked swiftly and with care never complaining about having to clear up vomit, empty bedpans or doing monotonous jobs over and over again. ‘It’s what makes you a great doctor Haru’ Makoto always told him although the ravenette never asked, it just felt natural to him to look after people and he was fascinated by the workings of the body.

“Another busy night huh?” Haru met with soft green eyes after walking out of a patients room peeling surgical gloves off his hands and disposing of them in a waste bin, Makoto held out a cup of coffee to the male who took it gratefully.

“This isn't from the machine” Haru noted taking a sip pleasantly surprised that it actually tasted decent.

“I brought a flask” Makoto smiled and Haru averted his eyes a fraction, though he was in charge Makoto always seemed to be taking care of him.

“How’s your night going?” Haru asked and the green eyed boy held up his coffee in explanation as he yawned, Haru nodded and they lapsed into silence leaning against a counter with the dim lights illuminating the hallways.

“Mako, here are the test results you wanted” a nurse walked past passing a chart to Makoto giving Haru a nod as she continued on her way, Haru resisted the urge to peer over Makoto’s shoulder until he heard a sharp intake of air from the male.

“What’s wrong?” the green eyed male handed him the chart and Haru immediately recognised the name in the top left.

“Yuki’s going to be fine” Makoto laughed in relief as Haru put the chart down on the side as let out the breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding. Glancing at his friend he saw his hands were shaking and his green eyes were directed at the ground slightly glazed over, Haru put a hand on his shoulder and he flinched.

“Makoto...” his breaths were shaky and Haru was unsure of what to do, Makoto was always the one who kept it together, always told Haru that things would work out in the end.

“I was so sure it would be something serious” Haru kept his hand still staying silent as Makoto shook slightly.

“What if he had died?” his green eyes lifted to look into Haru’s blue ones and the male took a deep breath before answering.

“We’ll deal with that when the time comes Makoto, as long as we do everything we can to help them there's no need to blame yourself for anything” Makoto nodded and smiled at the doctor.

“Thanks Haru, I know we’ll have to deal with death eventually and I think I just wanted to prepare myself for it” Haru nodded in understanding, he had thought over many times what it would be like when his first patient died, he couldn’t form a clear image in his mind and he felt he probably wouldn’t be able to until he experienced it himself.

“Come on Makoto we should be happy that Yuki’s okay” he patted the male who smiled at him wiping his tired eyes.

“You're right, I’ll call his mother tomorrow morning” Makoto seemed back to his normal self and Haru thought that the exhaustion was probably getting to him as well as the stress of not wanting anyone on their watch to die.

“Nanase look sharp! 8 year old male with multiple lacerations on the chest and abdominal areas, possible organ damage and extreme blood loss” Haru jumped off the counter and ran over to the stretcher pulling on a pair of gloves ready to get to work once again.

~

“Nagisa you need to sit still!” the nurse scolded him as he wriggled excitedly on the bed, he managed to keep his arm still long enough for blood to be taken before he was bouncing around again, accidentally knocking against the bed. Rubbing his arm he pulled his sleeve up sighing at the bruise already blooming on his skin spreading out like purple flowers in watercolour paintings.

“See, you need to be more careful” the nurse gently guided him back to bed and gave him a smile, she was glad he had so much energy considering but didn't want him to hurt himself, he covered the bruise with his pink onesie and pouted. ‘I wonder what time Rei will be coming by today...” the blonde thought glancing at the clock, the blunette usually stopped by around four which would be in about fifteen minutes, hopefully the nurse would have gone by then.

“Blood pressure, weight, bloods, urine, I think we’re all done here Nagisa. Anything I need to be aware of?” the blonde shook his head his curls bouncing, pink eyes following the woman until she left the room and another five minutes had passed just to be safe. Flinging back the covers Nagisa carefully got out of bed and crept down the hall, he checked his reflection in one of the glass doors and pinched his cheeks lightly to try and get some colour into his pale complexion. Spotting the familiar red frames and blue hair the boy stood up and walked casually down the corridor following Rei into the room, watching as he placed some flowers in a vase onto the bedside table next to the girl.

“Here again Nagisa?” Rei gave him a weak smile and the blonde thought he looked worse than he did, he looked like he hadn’t slept in forever and there were small cuts on his face from shaving, probably due to his tried state.

“Here again Rei?” Nagisa echoed grinning as he sat on the floor, they’d only met about a week and a half ago but the blonde had made a habit of coming to keep the boy company, he got lonely by himself and Rei was the only person who came to the hospital who was close to his age.

“You still haven’t told me why you're here every day” Nagisa was surprised by the bold question from the blunette and chuckled awkwardly.

“My err sister is having treatment here and my family has money, so I stay overnight to keep her company” he didn't tell Rei that all his sisters were older than him and more often than not they were the ones keeping him company. Rei nodded thoughtfully and Nagisa hoped he believed him, at least for now.

“Any change?” Nagisa changed the subject to the girl laying in the bed, he had yet to find out why she was here although he could gather that she was in a coma, he couldn’t see any physical damage aside from a few cuts on her forehead.

“Nothing” Rei sighed his purple eyes vacant.

“Can I ask what happened?” Nagisa tried gently noticing how the boy tensed up at the question; silence filled the room until Rei let out a breath and leant forward resting his head in his hands.

“Car crash” he whispered shutting his eyes as if he could block out the pain if he didn't have to face the world anymore. Nagisa reached out and put a hand on his shoulder, Rei flinched not used to the physical contact and felt his body lean slightly into the touch gratefully.

“I'm sure she’ll wake up soon, when she does you can introduce us” the blonde smiled hoping to cheer the male up, Rei opened his eyes and looked over at the girl then back to the boy kneeling in front of him.

“Her name’s Hiroaki*”

“Isn’t that a boy’s name?”

“That’s sort of how we met actually, the first day of college she bumped into me and I mistook her for a boy because of the name written on her books” Rei smiled at the memory and Nagisa listened intently to the story.

“She said I was no better with my girly name” he chuckled looking over at the girl; her short hair was slightly longer than he remembered, almost completely covering the lingering cuts on her forehead.

“Tell me more about her” Nagisa said drawing Rei out of his reverie and back to reality, he wondered why the boy was so curious but the way he was intently focused told Rei that maybe he didn't get the chance to just talk with people that often. ‘It must be hard to him to be here all the time’ the blunette thought as he continued to talk.

“She loved the outside, always rolling about in the grass and chasing after butterflies trying to catch them for me, I was wearing a butterfly shirt when we met and they’ve sort of become my thing now” catching sight of the clock in the corner of the room Rei’s purple eyes widened at the time.

“Oh no I’ve got to go i'm gonna be late for work!” Nagisa scrambled up and held open the door for him as he ran out pausing at the stairwell to wave goodbye to the blonde before he was gone, Nagisa glanced back at the girl.

“I hope you come back soon so he can smile for real” he whispered before returning to his room hoping no one had noticed his absence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *means 'spreading brightness'


	4. Chapter four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> slight gore warning for Haru and Makoto

Rin had gotten through the first week of therapy surprisingly okay; he directed the topic away from his emotional instability and focused on his drinking and other unpredictable behaviour for the time being. He wasn’t ready to face himself yet.

“All patients who are receiving a visit from family members are advised to leave their rooms five minutes before scheduled arrival” he read aloud to himself as he ran a hand through his hair hoping he looked something close to normal, he hadn’t heard a word from his roommate the past couple days other than apologies when he and Rin crossed paths to the bathroom and the redhead wondered if he’d upset him. ‘Guess I can’t put this off any longer’ he thought as he stood up and made his way towards the lounge where he was meeting Gou and his mother. He shut the door quietly since Nitori was still sleeping or at the very least still curled up in bed, the boy seemed to have no energy and Rin noticed he often didn't sleep well. He nodded at the two girls as he entered the room and they smiled obviously happy to see him, he sat down across from them to put some distance between them, he wasn't quite sure how to handle this situation.

"So, how have you been?" His mother asked anticipation evident in her voice that made Rin feel pressured; did they expect him to be cured after being here for a week?

"Fine I guess" he noticed her subtle change in expression and felt guilty for disappointing them, at the same time he was angry because they didn't understand how difficult it was for him right now.

"Have you made any friends?" Rin laughed out loud catching the attention of some of the other parents in the room sitting across from their children, so close yet worlds apart.

"You realise where I am right? Friends? That's ridiculous" he scoffed as the grey haired male lingered in the back of his mind, he was unsure of how he felt towards him, he spent most of his time with the boy since there wasn't much to do here. He felt better knowing he wasn't sleeping alone sometimes but he was aware of his guarded behaviour and the way he held the boy at arm’s length. Not that Nitori often reached out to him, he seemed to be almost afraid to talk to Rin at times when he asked him questions like 'is it okay if I use the shower first?’.

"Well, anyway we brought you something" the woman gestured to Gou who rummaged in her bag and pulled out a small parcel which she gave the male; he took it hesitantly confused as to why it looked like they were giving him a gift.

"You didn't have to get me anything" the girls drew back slightly at his harsh tone and Rin cursed himself mentally, 'why do I do that?' He thought for what must've been the millionth time, sighing he tried to smile at them to show his gratitude despite still not knowing the reason for the gift.

"We have to get going soon because I'm driving Gou to a friend’s house" his mother started gently perhaps afraid that Rin would be upset or have an outburst, he just nodded and said his goodbyes to them before wandering back to his room. Looking at the clock he saw he still had about an hour left until lunch and wondered what to do, his thoughts were interrupted by the bathroom door opening and he looked up at his roommate. The boy’s eyes refused to looks at Rin's red ones as he sat down on his bed half heartedly drying his hair with a small towel.

"No family visits for you then?" Rin asked regretting his decision to do so at the look that crossed the boys face, he shook his head and leaned back against the wall his face turned towards the ceiling. Rin reached for the package lying on his bed and ripped off the brown paper, he stared at the contents in disbelief torn whether to laugh or cry.

"You must be joking" he said picking up the book in one hand and a pack of felt tips in the other.

"Crazy colouring adult colouring books?" His gaze met with his roommates as they both started laughing at the ridiculousness of his mother buying him a colouring book to help with his intense mood swings. Maybe there was a beer glass in there to help with his drinking as well. They stopped laughing and Rin sat on the floor flipping open to the first page where a flowery mural almost made him burst out laughing again, Nitori abandoned his towel and edged onto the floor too. Rin tore open the pens and held out a random one to the boy, he hesitated before smiling ever so slightly and accepting the pen, Rin picked another for himself and they splashed colour into the page. It started off as a joke but Rin felt his earlier annoyance at the gift ebbing away as he sat quietly with Nitori, the grey haired male wasn't so much interested in the colouring as he was in managing to be this close to his roommate without having a panic attack. He felt bad about leaving Rin the other day and avoiding him ever since but his brain kept telling him that this is how it should be, Nitori shouldn't be allowed to have friends because he was worthless. Even his parents thought they were better off without him and had been happy to shove him here instead of having him at home with them, hence why he had stayed out of sight this morning to avoid people wondering where his family were. His therapist had been encouraging him to try and reach out to people and make friends or at least relationships that lasted longer than 'hello', Nitori wasn't sure if Rin was the best choice but he had reached out to the boy before so maybe he was trying to reach out too even if it was subconsciously.

"I'm sorry about...the other day" he eventually choked out halfway through colouring what was now an elephant with a bad case of jaundice, Rin looked up surprised as if he'd forgotten the boy was there. The redhead felt himself getting slightly anxious, he wasn't used to conversing with people like Nitori, he was used to fake people always hiding behind smiles and drowning their emotions in drugs and alcohol. Nitori was honest or at least more honest than anyone Rin had ever met and he realised that his innocence was probably part of the reason he was here.

"Uh, that's okay, I'm err sorry for asking" the boy was silent before he continued colouring thoughtfully.

"My therapist says I should open up more so... If you ever want to hear about it, I'll try and tell you" the boy’s voice was so soft Rin almost didn't catch it.

~

Haru currently had his hands deep into the young boy’s abdomen, or rather the large gash that had ripped open his abdomen exposing flesh and blood with bits of his intestines glistening sickeningly under the bright lights.

“We need to get him to theatre now!” the young doctor called out unable to keep the panicky tone out of his voice, by now Makoto was also in the room pumping oxygen into the boy to ensure he could breathe.

“Crash cart!” Haru yelled as the monitors beeps changed to the sound of the boy flat lining, the blue eyed male had dealt with coding once or twice before and had witnessed many other doctors going through the ordeal.

“Clear!” Makoto shouted and an electric shock was applied to the boys chest in an attempt to restart his heart, the blood on his fingers made Haru’s hands slippery as he waited for the machine to charge again.

“Clear!” once, twice, three times they tried before someone put a hand on the males shoulder, he turned to see his attending doctor shaking his head, Haru began to shake his head slightly too and the weight in his hands suddenly seemed very heavy.

“We’ve been attempting resuscitation for 10 minutes and there's been no sign of further recovery, is there anyone who would like to try anything else?” the five or so doctors and nurses in the room stayed silent and the man looked Haru in the eyes leaving the rest to him.

“Time of death, 11:04pm” the hand left his shoulder and he felt someone guide him out of the room as the body was covered over with a sheet, he couldn’t stop staring at his hands, even after removing the gloves he still felt as if they were stained in blood.

“You did well Nanase, there was nothing more we could have done for him” his attending caught him as he was leaving the hospital, his shift was over now and he was heading home, he nodded and told him he’d see him tomorrow. Instead of going home the male ended up sitting on a bench in the park across the road from the hospital staring into space, he didn't fully register someone had sat down with him until he heard them sigh.

“I guess that’s that then” Makoto said quietly and Haru could tell from his voice that he’d been crying.

“There was nothing else we could have done” Haru repeated the words realising how true they were and how they would probably apply in a lot of other cases in his life, everyone has to die someday and until then he’ll do everything he can do make sure they hold on even a minute longer.

“You’re right, it just feels sort of surreal I mean...we don't even know his name” Makoto said vacantly and Haru was aware that Makoto was very tired right now and he shouldn’t deal with this on his own.

“It’s not our fault Makoto, it’s a part of life” he pulled the green eyed male into a hug allowing him to cry into his jacket while a few tears escaped his own blue eyes. He knew that they needed to acknowledge the death rather than push it away, but not get swept away by the force of not being able to save everyone, they both knew what they had signed up for and he knew they both felt a tiny bit better knowing that they wouldn’t be waiting for their first death. They would get through this by supporting each other and continuing to care for their other patients so that they could live their lives to the fullest.

“We’ll never forget him and thats all we can do now” Haru whispered as they just sat and held other other on the bench well past midnight at this point, his eyes glimpsed a growing light in the distance as the sun started to rise on a new day. Both males weren’t going to try and pretend that they didn't feel awful and knew they probably would the next time and the time after that, but Makoto raised his head sniffling and joined Haru in looking at the sunrise.

“It’s been a long night, let go get some breakfast” Haru nodded and they got up and headed towards the nearest cafe hoping that this experience had at the least given them needed insight to become better medical students and better people.

~

“You look more tired than usual today Rei” Nagisa inquired tilting his head to the side his magenta eyes worriedly looking over the older male as he yawned for the third time within the last few minutes.

“Oh, i'm just working on my dissertation so I've been staying up late” he mumbled running a hand over his features careful to avoid his glasses.

“But you're only 19! You must be super smart Rei, what are you studying?” Rei chuckled at Nagisa’s energetic response.

“I take chemistry; i'm looking into research to find cures for diseases”

“Sounds exciting! What’s Aki doing?” Nagisa had started using Rei’s nickname for the girl and it made Rei feel as if Nagisa was an old friend, he hadn’t made any other than Hiroaki and it was nice to have a male friend albeit a fairly feminine one.

“Natural sciences”

“That makes sense since you said she loves nature” Rei noted his use of present tense and wondered if that was technically correct, the doctors had told him there was a very low chance that she would wake up and the more he looked at her he debated whether she was really living.

“Are you starting university Nagisa?” the blonde’s grin faltered for a second before he beamed at the blunette.

“Nope but I’d love to study penguins!” Rei laughed and patted him on the shoulder.

“That's just like you, I'm sure you’ll get on well with them”

“Because we’re both so cute right?!” the blonde winked holding up a peace sign causing his sleeve to slide down his arm, Nagisa was wearing a different onesie today and the cuffs didn't secure the material round his thin wrists.

“Nagisa, what's that?” with his arm in the air Rei pointed to a large purple bruise on his arm just below his elbow, Nagisa quickly pulled the sleeve down and looked away.

“I just tripped is all” he said quietly and despite wanting to press the matter further seeing Nagisa quiet and downcast was unsettling so Rei decided against it, besides he probably had just fallen over and was embarrassed or something.

“How’s your sister doing?” the blunette asked and the blonde crossed his legs once again facing the boy.

“Actually that reminds me! She's having some treatment done the day after tomorrow which will last for a while so I won’t be able to come see you” he smiled awkwardly and Rei nodded in understanding, Nagisa hadn’t actually told him what was wrong with his sister yet but he didn't want to upset the boy.

“Maybe I’ll come and visit when she's feeling better?” Rei suggested and Nagisa nodded slowly resisting the urge to bite in lip, there was no way he could let Rei come and visit ‘his sister’ but he could worry about that properly when the time came.

“It’s that time already” Rei said glancing at his watch, he actually had a few minutes to spare but he wanted to know why the blonde was acting so weird today and he had a plan. Nagisa nodded and waved goodbye to Hiroaki and Rei leaving the blunette by the stairwell, he watched until the blonde had disappeared down the corridor before following after him. He stopped and peered round the corner watching his friend creep into one of the hospital rooms on the left side, crouching down and crawling until he got there Rei heard voices coming from inside.

“How many times have I told you, not to leave the room?” he heard a female voice say, she sounded annoyed and he heard Nagisa giggle in response and he heard the rustle of bed sheets.

“Sorry” the blonde said sheepishly as he was tucked back into his bed and his IV was inserted back into his hand, wincing slightly at the pain because he’d pulled the needle out so many times. Rei stood up as the woman exited the room and he was surprised to see her wearing traditional scrubs, she shook her head as she walked off down the corridor and the blunette peeked through the window of the room. His eyes widened at what he saw, Nagisa sitting up in a hospital bed, his eyes travelling over the drip attached to his hand, the chart on the end of his bed and the sad look on the boy’s face so different to his usual cheery expression. Rei took a step back and went the way he came following the ‘way out’ signs to leave the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yikes Haru and Makoto's chapter was a challenge to write so I hope it cameout okay...better times are coming for those two...probably.  
> Also I have nothing against adult colouring books I still enjoy colouring it just seemed like the sort of thing that Rin would get annoyed with :)


	5. Chapter five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto gets drunk and Rei has no chill...neither does Rin  
> (Rin never has chill)

Two days had passed since the colouring exchange between Rin and Nitori and the redhead was unsure whether to continue talking to him or not, nevertheless he couldn’t shift the grey haired boy from his mind as was evident to him spacing out in therapy.

“Rin were you listening?” the redhead snapped back to reality and looked up to see his therapist staring at him patiently.

“Anyway Rin, I was saying that we should discuss your social network, friends, romantic relationships that sort of thing” Rin repressed a sigh, there wasn’t much to say about his social network because he didn't really have one.

“I had friends when I was younger but we grew apart and I don't have any close relationships aside from with my family I suppose”

“And why do you think that is?”

“Maybe because my moods seem to be on acid most of the time and it makes talking to people...difficult” he could feel himself gritting his teeth in anger but the therapist stayed calm.

“Do you think that trying to sort out the confusion inside your head prevents you from connecting with others?” his eyes widened in surprise and he nodded.

“Have you ever felt that you're keeping everything inside because you worry people will think you're overreacting?” Rin’s silence seemed to tell her all she needed to know.

“Rin I’d like you to keep a note of your emotions throughout the day, what caused them if anything and things that you do to resolve that feeling” Rin nodded and thanked her before leaving with a small notebook and pen in his hand, when he got back to his room he sat on the bed and found tears falling onto the blanket in front of him. The emotion swelled up in his chest and he tried to take deep breaths to calm himself down, he wasn’t feeling anxious just sad, he had to admit to himself that he wasn’t just a normal guy who occasionally binge drank and that he needed help. Part of him was glad that he felt this way for a reason and he was slowly learning to accept who he was but he still felt so scared sometimes and everything in his head piled up and crushed him.

“I feel so pathetic” his voice came out quiet and broken between breaths as he wiped at his eyes, he remembered being told how to manage his emotions and the word tea came to mind, not wanting people to see him like this he went to the bathroom and used the hot tap to fill a mug with hot water. He had teabags in a draw next to his bed although he rarely used them, focusing on dunking the little bag into the water he felt himself returning to normal. The smell of the tea invaded his nose and he watched the colour spread out across the water, taking the damp teabag he put it in the bin and sat on the closed lid of the toilet raising the mug to his lips.

After about an hour of sitting quietly in the bathroom drinking tea Rin felt slightly better and his eyes were no longer puffy and sore, he noted down what he needed to in his notebook just as Nitori came through the door. The boy sniffed the air and glanced over at Rin.

“Were you drinking tea?” Rin nodded and the boy continued to sit down on his bed drawing his legs up to his chest, he was wearing a dark hoodie and the sleeves were pulled over his hands.

“H-how are you?” Rin asked, still feeling a bit vulnerable and sensitive which he usually did after a crying session, he felt better than he usually did afterwards though and a light in the back of his minds dared to hope for recovery.

“I started meds today” the grey haired boy held up a small container with pills in it which he set on his desk, Rin guessed that they must be fairly harmless in case of overdose if they were giving him the bottle.

“Do you want to talk?” Rin asked, he wanted to be closer to the male and he felt that if anyone was able to come close to understanding how he felt it would be Nitori, he was terrified of upsetting him though like last time. ‘What if he leaves and never comes back?’ he thought, apparently this was one of his symptoms, difficulty in relationships, trust issues, telling him that didn't make it any easier to deal with though and he had to keep reassuring himself that he was okay.

“Sure” the boy looked up and nervously fiddled with his fingers as he answered the redhead.

~

Makoto strolled into the hospital feeling much better than the last time he had been there, after a well needed nine hours of sleep and a chance to reflect he was back to his normal self, and he was looking forward to going out for drinks later with his friend.

“Morning” he called out as he walked past the nurses’ station, they greeted him back and he smiled as he went off to attend to patients.

Haru was having a slightly challenging morning, taking care of patients for him meant looking out for an average of two to three other people aside from the child, a lot of parents didn't like seeing their loved one in pain and Haru always reassured them.

“I assure you your daughter will be in good hands” he told the woman who was crying, the young doctor had managed to lead her outside the room first, it wouldn’t be good for a patient to see their parent unable to cope.

“She’s never had anaesthetic before what if she has a bad reaction?” she sniffed and the blue eyed male placed a hand on her shoulder comfortingly.

“It’s unlikely, and in the event of a reaction doctors are on hand to make sure she's okay” the woman nodded and wiped her eyes as they went back into the room, the girl was holding up just fine, playing a game with her father when they re-entered the room.

“We’re going to put you to sleep for a while so we can sort out your leg okay?” Haru explained the operation process in simple terms and the girl nodded at him.

“Will it hurt?” Haru smiled softly and shook his head.

“You won’t remember anything and we’ll give you some painkillers afterwards so you can cope with the pain. You should be up and running again within a few weeks” the girls face lit up and she looked to her parents for confirmation, they both smiled at her.

“I’ll go get the paperwork” he left the room relieved that it had gone well, children were complicated and most of them (especially the young ones) were adverse to having treatment even if t helped them in the long run.

“Speaking of...” Haru went into the room next door where he was still waiting on one of his patients to be taken down for an MRI scan, the child was extremely claustrophobic and had been refusing point blank to go anywhere near the machine. There was always the option of sedating him but that was a last resort and they didn't want to risk hurting him further before they knew the extent of the damage there was already.

“I’m not going” Haru had barely taken a step inside the room before the boy spoke, sighing he sat down on the side of the bed.

“Would you like to be sedated during the procedure?” the boy crossed his arms but Haru took the silence as a sign that he was at least listening.

“It’s not the easiest option but you do need this scan so we can work on treating you before whatever damage you’ve sustained gets any worse” Haru saw fear in the boys eyes and knew that he might be on the right track to getting him to agree.

“I’ll leave you to think about it a bit more and come back later” the boy nodded and Haru went out, it was nearing mid afternoon and his shift would be ending soon, he remembered he was meeting Makoto at the bar since he finished later than the green eyed male.

“Haru!” the ravenette saw Makoto’s waving hand and walked over to the small table he was sitting at and accepted the drink from his friend, judging from the glasses the olive haired boy was already tipsy.

“Might want to slow down a bit Makoto” his friend laughed it off his cheeks tinted pink as he drank from his glass.

“You worry too much Haru, live a little” Haru sipped his drink and looked at his friend as if he was insane, three rounds later Haru had switched to drinking barley tea and Makoto was doing shots despite the blue eyed boy’s protesting.

“Is this because of what happened the other night?” Makoto looked at Haru confused before he realised what he was talking about.

“No, I heard from mum that Ran got into college and I just felt like drinking a little extra tonight” ‘a little extra?’ Haru thought later as he helped the male walk up to his apartment, his was closer to the bar and he couldn’t let Makoto walk home by himself les he get into trouble or hurt himself. Since he only had the one bed and his sofa was covered in spare scrubs and cans of mackerel he hadn’t put away yet he decided to just sleep with his friend, it wouldn’t be the first time they’d shared a bed and Haru wasn’t overly bothered.

“Haru...” Makoto mumbled as he fell into the bed leaving Haru to throw the duvet over him before climbing in the other side facing the opposite direction to the male.

“Night Makoto” he said monotonely turning off the light.

~

Rei’s mind was swirling slightly as he climbed the stairs to the hospital room he had come to know so well, the blonde was standing outside waiting for him and smiled when he saw the blunette.

“How are you today Rei?” he noticed the blonde was looking tired today and hoped that he was just worrying about nothing, he was praying that his suspicions weren’t true and that he was just overreacting.

“I’m fine, and you?” Rei stayed standing today setting his bag down on the chair he usually occupied, the blonde followed suit and rested against the wall.

“A-okay!” he chirped happily as purple eyes glanced over him, he was still wearing a onesie so Rei couldn’t tell if he was injured in any way that was visible but he must be well enough to come and visit him and Aki every day.

“How’s your sister doing, you never told me what treatment she's having tomorrow?” Rei asked in what he hoped was a casual way, he noticed the blondes eyes widen slightly and darted around a bit before he answered.

“Just routine stuff, anyway tell me more about your sciency thing” Rei stayed silent looking down at the floor his hands balled into fists.

“Rei?”

“Your sister... isnt sick is she?” Nagisa looked away quickly and he nervously fiddled with his fingers, pulling the sleeves of his onesie over his hands.

“Why would you think that?” Rei lifted his head and looked the blonde in the eyes.

“I saw you yesterday with an IV in your arm, you’re the one who’s really ill aren’t you?” his voice fell to a whisper near the end and he felt his throat thickening, this was the first friend he’d made other than the one who was currently in a coma.

“Rei i-“

“Why didn't you tell me?!” he shouted wincing because he was aware his best friend was lying in the bed about half a metre away, despite only knowing the blonde for a couple of weeks he felt like he was a precious friend to him just as she was.

Drip

Rei brought his gaze up sharply to see Nagisa bent over on the floor with his hands over his nose trying to stop the heavy flow of blood spurting from it, the blunette tried to bend down and help but the blonde weakly waved him away.

“I'm sorry Rei, I just wanted to have a normal friend” the boy was crying now tears falling to the tiled floor mixing with the drops of blood, his onesie sleeves were red and sticky as he continually wiped his nose creating streaks of red across his face.

“Nagisa are you alright?!” Rei had his hands out to help but he wasn’t quite sure how to do so, the boy nodded as the blood started to slow down much to the blunettes relief.

“I'm sorry Rei” he sniffed as he attempted to clean up the mess on the floor with his sleeve, Rei reached into his bag for some tissues and helped until the tiles were white and clean again.

“I'm sorry I yelled at you Nagisa, I was just worried” the blunette covered his face with his hands annoyed with himself for messing up again.

“I’ll leave you alone from now on I promise” the blonde said looking down his lip trembling as he spoke, he didn’t want to leave Rei, he was the only person who had treated him normally without fear of hurting him or saying something wrong. But he understood if Rei couldn’t handle staying by his side, his parents had paid for him to have a private room in the hospital not because they wanted to keep him safe but because they couldn’t bear having him at home anymore. His sisters visited him but they never knew what to say to him and it just lapsed into awkward silences while they tried not to look at his pale skin and tired eyes.

“Nagisa you're my friend, you're not going anywhere” Rei smiled at the surprised expression on the boys face, tears formed in his pink eyes again but this time because he was happy, he went to hug the male but stopped when he remembered he was covered in blood.

“Should I get a nurse or something?” Rei asked awkwardly as Nagisa stood up and gestured towards the door, Rei opened it so it wouldn’t get dirty and they walked down to Nagisa’s room the blonde not commenting on how Rei knew the way. He knew he couldn’t keep the secret forever and he was glad Rei was staying with him, however long that would last, but he knew it would probably be a short friendship if the girl ever woke up he doubted seeing Rei again.

“Thank you Rei” he whispered as they entered his room where a worried nurse immediately took Nagisa off to clean him as the blunette stood awkwardly in the doorway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying to ease into the relationship between Rin and Nitori, I don't want them to be too close too soon.  
> Rei is not as calm as seems here (if he seems calm?) but more on that later  
> Should Haru have a thing for Makoto? This was supposed to be platonic but maybe they should be more...?


	6. Chapter six

Nitori didn't speak for a whole ten minutes and Rin started to wonder if the boy was going to tell him anything, he was sort of curious in a weird way to know why the grey haired male was here but he knew it wouldn’t be a nice tale. Nitori had planned out what he would say about a hundred times and he had obviously told most of it to his therapist already, but telling Rin was a bit different in the way that he wasn’t being paid to listen. He wasn’t here to offer advice and support to the boy and could get up and leave if he felt like it, but it also took some of the pressure off, Rin understood what it was like to be at war with himself and he had offered to listen so him walking out was unlikely...

“Why don't you start with the meds?” Rin said looking at the bottle of pills on the table; Nitori pulled his sleeves down out of habit.

“I've tried meds before but I had to stop because I didn't have the money to pay for them, i'm kinda scared to go back on them though”.

“Didn't you have a job?” the boy shook his head ashamed at his uselessness.

“I barely left the house most days”.

“You lived with your parents?”.

“Yeah, how about you?” Rin wanted to clam up and stay quiet, this conversation remained safe only as long as the focus wasn’t on him, but his therapist wanted him to improve his social skills and try to trust people more. Plus the boy was spilling his guts Rin should at least give something back.

“My mum and sister, I wasn’t there very much though” Nitori tilted his head in confusion the dim lighting catching the purple circles under his eyes.

“I went out drinking, a bit” Rin mumbled not that he was particularly bothered by his alcohol tendencies but the lack of drinking in the past few weeks had taught him he was probably better off without it, it never actually solved his problems and the killer hangover wasn’t worth it.

“I've only had alcohol once” Rin had assumed as much, the boy didn't look like he was into substance abuse either but maybe he was being presumptuous.

“I usually solve my problems in, other ways” he weakly held his arm out enough for Rin to glimpse the silvery scars on it before he pulled it back.

“I'm sorry, you probably think i'm an idiot” ‘he wouldn’t be the first’ Nitori thought as Rin slightly shook his head, he opened his mouth to say something but seemed to be having difficulty getting the words out, he coughed and cleared his throat.

“No, I-I understand” the boys blue eyed widened as he wondered if Rin meant what he thought he did, but surely someone like Rin wouldn’t have...he seemed so much more together than the younger male, even though he was obviously here for a reason he walked around the place like a normal person 90% of the time.

“Y-you mean you’ve...?” Rin paused before nodding and tilting his head towards his thighs, Nitori’s gaze followed though he clearly couldn’t see anything due to Rin always wearing jogging bottoms, even when he went running he wore leggings under his shorts. Both males were silent in their own bubble of awkwardness and shame but there was a hint of mutual understanding there and a sense of relief that neither of them had freaked out yet. Rin was starting to feel tired from talking about such a serious subject and he was still trying to accept his own mental health issues, he did feel closer to his roommate though, whether this was a good thing or whether it would hurt him more when he left Rin wasn’t sure. ‘If, not when’ a voice in the back of his mind said and he struggled with the urge to cling to the hope of having a real friend or replace it with the fear of being abandoned.

“Rin, it’s time for dinner” Nitori snapped Rin’s train of thought as he pointed at the clock on the wall, the grey haired boy had stood up and offered a hand automatically to the redhead before realising what he was doing. Rin caught his hand before it fell much to both their surprise and he got up replacing his hands in his pockets.

“Thanks for talking with me” Nitori said quietly as they walked towards the dining hall, Rin shrugged trying to act casual.

“No big deal, what are roommates for?” averting his eyes somewhat embarrassed a ghost of a smile lit up the boy’s features, Rin tried to remember the last time he had felt this close to normal but shook his head, ‘ just enjoy the moment Rin’ he told himself. ‘You never know when life will throw you another curveball’, and this was a case of when and not if, life was always going to throw something at you, the outcome depends on how well you're equipped to deal with it.

~

Haru awoke with someone’s arm slung across his chest pinning him to the bed, taking a moment to remember the night before the male relaxed slightly and peered over his shoulder to see Makoto still sleeping soundly. Blushing slightly at the contact he carefully removed the arm, got up and went to have a quick bath before breakfast, luckily their shift didn't start until this evening so Makoto should’ve recovered by then. After sitting in his bath for about an hour the male got up and grabbed a shirt and some jeans, opening his bedroom door he noted his friend was spread starfish style across his bed his green eyes closed as he slept. Shaking his head Haru went into his small kitchen and opened the first cupboard to grab some mackerel tossing it into the frying pan with some seasoning and oil.

Makoto woke up with a pounding headache, wrinkling his nose at the smell of fish wafting throughout the apartment he felt the contents of his stomach rise and made a dash for the bathroom. After rinsing his mouth out with some water and splashing some on his face he dared to look in the mirror, his olive hair was all over the place and his eyes looked slightly glazed. Feeling less sick he wandered into the kitchen where Haru was placing mackerel and rice onto two plates, he gestured for Makoto to sit down when he saw him and pushed a box of paracetamol over to him. Makoto just nodded in thanks and swallowed two of the tablets with a swig of water in the glass offered to him, the food however he stared at questioningly.

“Haru i'm not sure I want to eat mackerel with a hangover, I still feel pretty sick”.

“Mackerel cures all” was the reply he got and it did coax a smile out of the green eyed boy as Haru took the mackerel off his plate and put it on his own leaving Makoto to eat the rice.

“I'm guessing you helped get me back here?” Makoto’s memory of the night was a little hazy and he made a mental note that two shots were probably his limit, and he knew there had been at least three times that last night.

“My apartment was closer” Haru said between bites of mackerel, that reminded him his parents were coming to visit next week and he was expected to cook something, this particular fish probably wasn’t going to cut the mustard.  
‘Guess I’ll have to go shopping’ he thought glancing at the calendar, he had early shifts for the next week so today would be the best time to go since he didn’t like going in the evening, it was dark and there were too many people also coming home from work.

“Makoto, I'm going shopping” he stood up and took the plats to the sink untying the apron he was still wearing and hanging it up.

“I’ll come too” the green eyed male smiled and stood up smoothing out the creases in his t shirt, he actually looked okay considering he slept in those clothes and he didn't want to trouble Haru by asking to borrow some. He was taller anyway so they might not fit.

“Are you sure?” Haru looked concerned at his friend who still seemed a little unsteady.

“Yeah the painkillers are kicking in now, besides I don't have that much food at home” Haru knew it was no use arguing so he just nodded and went to grab his wallet and jacket from his bedroom.

“What should I make my parents next week?” Haru looked over the various foods lining the shelves, he wasn’t really interested in most of it and had no idea what his family would want.

“How about pork cutlets with some miso soup or something?” Makoto suggested and Haru grabbed the necessary ingredients from the shelf before wandering over the the fish section.

“Maybe I’ll get some too” Makoto smiled as the blue eyed boy put mackerel into his basket, Haru felt something weird in his chest when his friend leaned over him to grab something, Makoto had taken a shower before they left and this close up Haru could smell his familiar soap on his skin.

“Haru, everything alright?” his green eyes worriedly scanned the boy’s pale pink cheeks and averted eyes as he nodded and continued walking down the aisle.

“Ah, Haru wait!” Makoto ran after him his basket swinging from his arm two cans of mackerel nestled inside.

~

Rei wasn’t used to taking the corridor to the oncology ward, not because he didn't know where it was he had been to Nagisa room twice now, but it felt weird not going to visit Aki. Instead of the usual stairwell the blunette opted for the lift, he knew he was just trying to prolong the inevitable to give himself a chance to think. He had agreed to stay with Nagisa because they were friends and today was the blondes first day of chemo, Rei had no idea how to act in this situation and was a little ashamed to say he had done some late night research.

“Good morning Nagisa” he greeted the male as he walked into the room still finding the sight of the energetic boy lying in a hospital bed unnerving but he sat down on the chair provided and smiled.

“I wasn’t sure you’d actually show up” Nagisa said quietly unable to mask his happiness that Rei had indeed come as he said he would.

“Of course, I am a man of my word” pushing his red frames up his nose Rei was glad to see a bubble f laughter escape the boy as a nurse walked into the room.

“Ready to start Nagisa?” she said smiling brightly and the boy nodded as the drugs were set up and started feeding directly into his central line, a second drip made sure that his body was always topped up with blood and platelets during therapy.

“Call me if you need anything okay?” she ensured both boys knew how to contact her if anything unusual should happen or if they need assistance generally, leaving behind a stack of disposable bowls in case Nagisa felt sick she took her leave.

“How are you feeling?” Rei asked a little overwhelmed with all the things that had gone on and was grateful for the moment of quiet where they could just sit/lay for a bit.

“Not much differently honestly” the blonde wasn’t as talkative as usual and was staring out the window so Rei couldn’t see his pink irises.

“Thanks for being here Rei, I know this is all pretty sudden for you” Nagisa was grateful for the company and Rei hadn’t been treating him as a patient so much as a friend who’s a bit sick although they both knew the situation was more serious than that.

“I told you we’re friends Nagisa, besides i'm a fast learner and I’ve already researched how I can best take care of you” the blonde was surprised that Rei had gone to the trouble of doing research for his sake, especially when he really should be working on his own things. The blunette had brought his laptop with him so he could work while Nagisa was asleep and since it was a weekend and Rei didn't have work today he planned to spend all day at the hospital.

“You can get to work now if you want I’m feeling a bit sleepy” Nagisa smiled and yawned at his friend who nodded and got out his laptop as the blonde lay down and closed his eyes, his breathing soon becoming regular with sleep.

After around two hours of writing Rei took off his glasses to rub his eyes and put his laptop back into his bag so he could take a break, turning round to check on Nagisa he saw the boy sitting up stock still his face pale.

“Nagisa?” Rei asked worriedly casting around for a bowl which he shoved towards the boy just in time for him to empty the contents of his stomach into it, the blunette gently patted his back until he was done. The blonde was breathing heavily and he slumped back onto his pillows while Rei took the bowl away calling a nurse in the process as he wasn’t really sure where to dispose of it.

“Sorry about that Rei, that wasn’t very beautiful” Nagisa thought that Rei must think he’s gross for throwing up and hadn’t expected him to touch him like that, no one touched him unless it was something medical.

“Nagisa I’ve been to college trust me I've seen people throw up before, and I think its admirable how well you're holding up through this” Rei encouraged the boy, it was important that he believed he could do this, his mental health is just as important in order for him to recover.

“Everything alright?” the nurse came in and Rei pointed to the bowl on the counter, she nodded and took it away before coming back to check on the boy.

“I guess you don't want to eat anything then?” she asked and Nagisa shook his head.

“Okay but make sure you keep your fluids up” both boys nodded as she once again left the room, Rei sat back down next to the bed and thought about what he could do to take Nagisa’s mind off the sickness.

“Wanna play a game Nagisa?” he asked.

“I didn't peg you for a gamer Rei” the boy replied playfully.

“Well, I’ll just have to show you how good I am then” Rei laughed and brought out his laptop so they could play games on it and forget about the situation for a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy these nice moments before I throw curveballs at them next chapter


	7. Chapter seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sh*t goes down

Rin and Nitori had been getting on better since that first conversation about things and to an outsider looked just like normal if slightly awkward friends, both of them had been moving through their therapy and Rin still had difficulty with a lot of things. But he was improving and that was what was important to him, even if it took him years he wanted to be able to live normally, having a friend, a real friend even if they had met under less than desirable circumstances, made him realise he wanted to be able to control his emotions. Chatting with Nitori about what dinner might be that night or other nonsensical subject matter made him almost forget that he ever felt bad, even if he only forgot for a few seconds that taste of happiness was like ecstasy to the redhead.

“Hey Nitori, do you wanna grab a –“ Rin’s sentence cut off at the same moment he opened the door to their room, he knew something was wrong immediately as felt anxiety rising, he felt nauseous and looked around noticing the crumpled letter on the floor. Not bothering to pick it up and read it he turned towards the bathroom, he expected it to be locked but when his sweaty palm grasped the handle it opened easily, taking a shaky breath he stepped through the door.

“Nitori!” he ran towards the boy who was lying in the shower fully clothed, his hood covered his face but Rin could see red smears along the plastic door, the boy obviously hadn’t gotten to actually turning the water on before passing out and Rin got no response when he shook him. The dark hood fell back and the redhead male gasped, the blood wasn’t from the boys wrists as he had fist assumed but from a cut through his lip, another on his eyebrow and it looked like he’d also bitten his tongue. Rin gently pulled up the hoodie sleeves but the skin was clean, he couldn’t say the same for his face, a purple bruise was blossoming over his right eye and blood from the cut above had dripped onto his pale eyelashes.

“Who the hell did this?!” Rin shouted as he picked up the boy surprised at how light he was, he knew Nitori didn't eat much but Rin barely had to exert any effort to lift his body. He was angry because he should have made sure the boy took better care of himself, he was angry at Nitori for not doing this as well but he was mainly pissed off at whoever had beaten up his friend. Trying to remember where the medical room was from his first day Rin gave up and just ran towards the front desk, the man there looked up in shock and led Rin down a corridor.

“Bring him in here” he held open the door and Rin laid Nitori down on the bed provided, he noticed the man was gone and he started pacing nervously, the initial shock and adrenaline was starting to wear off and the male was starting to get panicky and a part of him wanted to cry because of the stress of it all.

“Where is he?” a woman Rin vaguely recognised came in along with the man from earlier, she headed over to Nitori and felt his arms and face with her clean fingertips, she waved the man away with a smile and he went Rin assumed back to the desk.

“He doesn't seem to have anything broken, just some surface damage” Rin stayed silent and stood in the corner trying to resist the urge to pace. He watched as the blood and scratches were erased from the boys face with antiseptic and cotton balls.

“Rin i'm going to have to keep him here until he wakes up, just looking at him I can tell he hasn’t been eating a whole lot which has probably contributed to why he’s unconscious for so long. You can say here with him if you’d like?” Rin nodded silently and took a seat he was aware of how fast his breathing was but he was managing to keep his anxiety at a safeish level at the moment as in he wasn't about to break down in front of this woman.

“Do you know what happened Rin?” he shook his head, if he knew who did it he would probably be busting him up right now, the redhead wasn’t a stranger to a fight, when you mix with alcohol the way Rin did its sort of unavoidable. He was aware fighting really wasn’t a good idea and he could actually be kicked out of the facility for hurting someone else but the urge to avenge his friend was still there, he also wanted to punch Nitori in the face for being so weak but that just confused the hell out of him.

“Can you notify the front desk when he wakes up?” Rin nodded again sighing as the woman patted his shoulder and left. ‘What have I gotten myself into?” he wondered as he looked at his friend’s face, this was probably the first time he’d worried so much about anyone and it hurt in a way he wasn’t used to, he wondered why people do this when it has the potential for so much pain.

~

“So Haruka how’s work? Makoto’s dad told us about that boy” Haru stiffened slightly at the mention of the patient they lost and the uncaring way he was referred to, were they blaming him for his death now? Maybe they thought Makoto would have been able to save him, if that’s what they thought they should’ve given the green eyed boy the money instead. Haru sighed, thinking like this would get him nowhere, he just needed to get through this meal and then he could go and meet Makoto, for once he had been the once suggesting a night at the bar and although neither asked they both knew why.

“Work’s fine” he replied trying to ignore his mother picking at the food from the corner of his eye, he had made an effort to cook something nice (basically anything other than mackerel) but apparently that hadn’t come across.

“How is Makoto?” his dad continued, this was the first time they’d visited their sons apartment and he could see them analysing every corner, he knew they’d seen Makoto’s since his parents had helped him choose so they would probably have photographs.

“He's fine”

“Still as quiet as ever I see Haruka” he had given up years ago on his parents calling him ‘Haru’ so he let it slide and tried to think of a way to turn the topic away from him and Makoto.

“Are you sure you're happy dear?” his mother jumped in before he could say anything else and he mentally groaned knowing exactly where this path was leading.

“I like being a doctor” he said putting some food in his mouth so he didn't have to talk for a minute, his mother had given up on her meal and rested her head on her hand.

“But you have so much more talent for other things” she sighed discontentedly and Haru felt something inside him snap like an elastic band pulled too far in opposing directions.

“So what?!” he slammed his hands on the table shocking both of his parents.

“It’s my life and I’ll decide what to do with it” his cold blue eyes stared back unwavering.

“We just don't want that talent to be wasted is all” his mother said as the male stood up almost knocking his chair over.

“I’m done here” leaving his plate on the table the blue eyed boy walked over to the front door and started pulling on a coat.

“Haruka! Don't talk to your mother like that!” his father yelled but made no move towards his son who was now tying his laces and picking up his keys.

“I’ll pass along your greetings to Makoto shall i?” he spat bitterly as he walked out the door lightly slamming behind him, shoving his hands into his pockets he headed towards the bar, his blue eyes fixed on the grey pavement. He knew his parents would be gone by the time he got back and he wasn’t overly worried about them leaving the door unlocked, they weren’t that cruel and he might even get a note saying sorry if he was lucky. Sighing he ran a hand through his hair blowing out his breath in a white cloud obscuring his vision for a second, this wasn’t the first time a fight with his parents had ended this way and it probably wouldn’t be the last but it didn't make the male feel any less annoyed and upset. Upon reaching the bar quicker than he expected he stopped in front of the door and gently pushed it open, his olive haired friend was laughing with the bartender a bottle in his right hand. Judging by the lack of bottles next to him Makoto was taking it easy this time, Haru sat next to him and ordered a double vodka and coke, he ignored the green eyes next to him widening and took a large gulp.

“I’m assuming the meal didn't go too well?” Makoto watched Haru squeeze his eyes shut at the burning sensation from the liquid sliding down his throat, the male rarely ordered alcohol and when he did it was no more than beer or cider. Haru stayed silent and nursed his drink not really wanting to talk.

“I'm sure they mean well Haru” the blue eyed male knew Makoto saw the best in everyone and was only trying to make him feel better but instead he couldn’t help but just want his friend to be on his side for once.

“I don't care” he answered back downing the last of his drink and ordering a second.

“You might want to slow down there a bit Haru” Makoto advised gently and anger flared inside his friend.

“You think you know what's best for me now too?!” he yelled, luckily the bar was fairly busy so not many people noticed his outburst, the bartender was keeping an eye on the male while he wiped the inside of a glass.

“I’m just looking out for you Haru” Makoto said hurt slightly by the outburst, the fact that Haru knew he was in the wrong here just made him feel worse.

“Because i'm worth so much less than you I need taking care of huh?! Is that it?!”

“Haru calm down!”

“I am who I am! I can’t change that and if no one can accept that then I’ll just be alone!” Makoto reached for his friend as he jumped off his stool and ran out of the bar, the bartender looked sharply at the green eyed male who reached into his pocket to pay despite Haru’s wallet poking out of his jacket that he’d left on the chair. Makoto left the bar and walked slowly, he had a good idea of where his friend would go and thought he’d walk so Haru would have some time to be alone. The green eyed male wondered why Haru seemed to think he was so perfect, in his eyes Makoto could pick out many of his own flaws that apparently weren’t visible to others. Including Haru’s parents, while they cast an overly critical eye over their own son Makoto was flawless to them, he didn't want to hurt Haru and the argument made him anxious with worry for his friend.

~

Rei had been feeling a little better the last few days, he had been focused on taking care of Nagisa and managed to work diligently on his essay when the blonde was sleeping, he had exchanged numbers with the boy and they texted sometimes as well. Speaking of the blunette reached into his pocket as his phone started vibrating, he paused outside the hospital and made sure to stand where he wouldn’t be in the way.

“What? I’ll be right there” he ended the call and all but ran up the stairs his bag knocking against his hip as he flung open the door and stood panting the staff in the room turning to look at him. Too scared to speak his purple eyes went straight to the bed where his friend was resting against the white pillows, not quite holding themselves up.

“Aki...” he breathed coming closer to the bed, her pale eyes were unfocused and moving around as they tried to stay centred on the blunette, he noticed the tube had been removed from her throat and her mouth hung slightly open.

“Mr Ryugazaki you need to understand that while this is very good it may only be temporary and even if it isn't there are going to be long term complications” the initial happiness Rei felt at seeing his friend awake again dissolved and he swallowed his mouth tasting acidic and bitter.

“General awareness should improve within a few hours and she may be able to talk after a day or so, due to the relatively short nature of the coma physiotherapy will likely be shorter although we will also need to assess cognitive abilities” the doctor put his hand on Rei’s shoulder and looked at him seriously.

“She may suffer memory loss and personality changes so be prepared for that” the blunette turned back to the girl and noticed that even within the few weeks she’d been here she had changed dramatically. He could feel the bones of her slender fingers in the hand he held, her cheekbones were more noticeable and her hair and nails looked dull and dry.

“Will she recover?” he asked not bearing to look up.

“I can’t say anything for certain yet but her chances look very good, there's been no infection either which is a point in her favour” Rei could recall only the memory of the wound in question as he hadn’t seen the cleaned and stitched up version, he remembered seeing her abdomen covered in blood unable to make out any details of anatomy.

“I’m sorry Mr Ryugazaki but I have some important tests to run here, do you need someone to escort you out?” Rei shook his head and thanked the man, he was allowed to come back the following day to hopefully see the results, not quite knowing where to go he stood in the middle of the corridor.

Bzz bzz

Reaching for his phone again he had to look twice so his eyes focused on the text.

Rei? Are you not coming? Did something happen? :/  
Hope you're okay (O.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is Haru ooc? I don't know I tried


	8. Chapter eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things are improving...for now

The first thing nitori saw as he returned to consciousness was a white ceiling with bright lights that hurt his eyes, he soon realised that they weren't the only part of his body that hurt as he edged himself into a sitting position. 'Rin?' He was surprised to see his roommate sitting in a chair against the wall, his face wasn't visible as he was slumped forward, sleeping if his soft snores were any indication. The grey haired male stood up steadying himself as the room spun slightly 'when was the last time I ate anything?', he made his way to the small sink and examined his reflection leaning both hands heavily on the porcelain. Split lip, cut going through his right eyebrow framing his black eye nicely, sticking his tongue out he saw the start of an ulcer where his teeth had nicked the flesh. He sighed as he sat back down on the bed, he had dealt with much worse than this before only this time he sensed there would be more ramifications than when he was at school. The bed creaked when he moved and Rin started to stir, as soon as he was aware of his surroundings his red eyes snapped open and he looked around stopping when he found his roommate staring at him.

"Nitori!" He got up but made no move to touch or get closer to the male despite his worry Rin wasn't sure how to go about handling the current situation.

"I have to inform the desk you're awake" he opted for just doing what he was told and went to tell the guy from earlier that nitori was conscious. The grey haired boy put his hands between his thighs and dipped his head down, he couldn't help but feel like this was his fault, his head echoed with all the other times this had happened. All the other times he had returned home with broken bones, dislocated limbs, battered and bruised and covered in blood "it's your fault, you're weak", "you deserve this you freak". 

"Shut up, just shut up" he choked out resting his head on his knees as he tried to stop the tears squeezing out from his eyes. Hearing footsteps he quickly wiped his face and sniffed, this conversation was going to be uncomfortable enough without him breaking down, only he therapist saw him like this. A woman entered the room along with the redhead and she checked him for concussion and asked him some questions about how he was feeling.

"Can you tell us who did this Nitori?" She asked gently trying to meet the boys blue eyes to no avail, Rin however had anticipated this and had stopped by their room to pick up something.

"Here" he held out the crumpled piece of paper, the woman opened it and read over the few words scrawled across the scrap.

"Why didn't you tell anyone about this?" She asked promoting the boy to finally look up revealing his bloodshot eyes, Rin rested his chin on his hands elbows leaning on his knees.

"I've always dealt with this kind of thing myself" 'this has happened to him before?' Rin couldn't say he was entirely surprised and to be honest that would explain a lot.

"Well it's unavoidable now but if this happens again I want you to come straight to a member of staff" the woman said firmly and Nitori nodded, she sighed and folded the note putting into her shirt pocket.

"Do you know who did this?" She repeated.

"I don't know the name but he was a big guy, short hair and there were two others with him" she nodded in recognition, Rin guessed this wasn't the guys first strike and hoped he would be punished properly this time.

"Thank you Nitori, you two should get some dinner" she said checking her watch, they noted that the dining hall was still serving food but it would be quieter now, most people didn't take a lot of time eating. Rin nodded and practically dragged his roommate off down the hall the latter thoroughly confused at the redheads behaviour, was he angry with him? Why? Maybe it was his fault after all he thought as the reached the dining hall, Rin piled a tray with food and then got another for himself picking them both up he went to a nearby table.

"If you don't eat every mouthful of that you're waking out of here with another black eye got it?" Pushing the food towards Nitori who couldn't tell if his roommate was joking or not, he picked up the fork provided and ate anyway feeling a little of his energy returning to his body as he swallowed.

"Thanks Rin" he said quietly between mouthfuls, his roommate had obviously stayed with him while he was unconscious and he was incredibly grateful, no one had ever done anything like that for him before.

"Just don't scare me like that again alright?" Rin grunted uncomfortable with the emotional level of this evening, he was scared of losing his first friend and he was also scared to admit this to anyone right now. He knew he was hiding behind his aggressive exterior but old habits die hard and he could only take improvement one day at a time, considering he hadn't run at the first sign of danger he thought he was doing okay.

"I'm sorry".

"It wasn't your fault it was whatever bastard decided to mess you up like this!" Rin tried to keep his voice down, to avoid attracting attention from the few others still eating.

"If I wasn't so pathetic this wouldn't have happened though" he managed to swallow the last mouthful of food on the plate and he honestly felt quite sick, whether it was from anxiety or eating twice as much as he was used to he wasn't sure.

"Just because you can't protect yourself doesn't mean you deserve to be beaten, I don't know what happened to make you believe that but... Please don't let people hurt you like this" the pain was evident in Rin's voice despite his efforts and he breathed out deeply as the both got up and started walking back to their room. Nitori was silent, could he really believe that Rin cared about him this much? But he certainly wasn't faking it, the boy was happy and it felt weird but not in a bad way.

"This wasn't the first time I've been beaten" Rin scoffed at what was such an obvious statement and they grey haired boy nodded slightly.

"How long?" The redhead asked as he sat down on his bed and lay back his red eyes staring at the ceiling, nitori sat on his own duvet knotting his hands in his lap.

"Since I was about six" Rin did the maths assuming his roommate was around his age that meant he'd been bullied for at least 12 years, 'how could he let it go on that long?" He wondered.

"You're probably wondering why I never did anything right?" The silence from the male was answer enough, nitori smiled sadly, he still couldn't get used to it being wrong that he was bullied. "I'm weak it's my place" he shook his head to try and clear his mind, 'that's not true what they did wasn't right' he kept telling himself.

"I believed me when they told me I deserved it, when I came home barely able to walk...my parents had the same reaction. No one cared so I guess I thought I'm not worth caring about" Rin sat up his eyes widening at the sad expression on nitori's face, the tears streaking down his cheeks disappeared into the corners of his smile.

"Oi erm, it might not be worth much but er...you're the first real friend I've ever had. And, I care a-about you" Rin managed to say aware that his face was probably the colour of his hair right now, he was breathing heavily and his fists gripped the bedcovers. 'This emotional stuff is tiring as hell' he thought as he ruffled the boys hair and tried to give him a grin, he had stopped crying in shock as the corns of his lips turned up.

"You're... my first friend too Rin" he said a hint of happiness in his voice as they both got ready for bed, 'maybe we won't have to be alone anymore' he dared to hope pulling the duvet up to his chin. He had a feeling his dreams would be nightmare free and if they weren't, then he would learn to deal with it.

~

Makoto wandered into the park gazing up at the sky pin pricked with stars, he knew Haru came here when things got too much so he could look up at the night and put things into perspective. He knew the male was probably feeling guilty for fighting with him and wanted to let him know that he didn't blame him, Haru had a complicated relationship with his parents and Makoto understood that. He stopped in front of the large oak tree in the centre of the park, peering through the branches he found the steps cut into the trunk and put his right foot into the first ridge. 

"Haru?" He whispered heaving himself up onto the floor of the treehouse, it had been there since they moved here and he remembered the males blue eyes sparkling when they discovered it. He had found his friend there a lot of nights in med school when he needed to clear his head, sometimes Makoto had laid there with him in silence just admiring the atmosphere. His soft green eyes found his friend lying on the planks of wood, his black hair was spread out his face turned upwards illuminated by the moonlight. Makoto smiled as he lay down next to the male as Haru's face fell to the side so he was looking in Makoto's direction, the olive haired male pushed some hair across his cheek. He looked peaceful as he slept and Makoto was glad to see him without the tension and anger clouding his features.

"You've always been ahead of me Haru, you're the one I look up to, the person who keeps me on course when I let my emotions get on top of me. You've always been there for me, so let me do the same for you now" he said as his fingers touched the males cool skin. 

"I know you all think I'm perfect but I'm just like you Haru, we're all a little rough around the edges" he whispered as he kept running his fingers through the dark hair thankful that the male was asleep.

"But I wouldn't have it any other way" he chuckled softly returning his gaze to the moon above him.

"I like you just the way you are Haru, so don't change okay?" He brushed his fingers over the males forehead and down around his cheek, resting his hands over his heart he drifted off to sleep himself closing his eyes to the sight of the night sky.

The blue eyed male woke up to sunlight bleeding through the leaves casting green shadows over his body, he turned his face to the other side coming almost nose to nose with his friend.

"Makoto?" He said sleepily as the nights memories came flooding back, he felt bad for taking things out on the olive haired boy but was glad to see him now, a small smile gracing his features as he slept. Reaching out a hand Haru shook the boy gently awake, his green eyes looked around the treehouse confused as he remembered where he was, they softened when they saw Haru.

"Good morning" he smiled making the ravenette turn away slightly in guilt.

"I'm sorry about last night" he said quietly closing his eyes, he gasped in surprise when he dealt warm arms encircling him from beside him, he felt hair tickling his neck as he remained still letting his friend hug him.

"It's okay Haru, do you feel a little better now?" Haru was taken aback he had expected, well something other than this, maybe Makoto really was perfect.

"I'm not you know" the green eyed boy always seemed to know what Haru was thinking.

"I yelled at you and yet you're worried about me?" The male pulled back and looked into the kind green eyes shining in the morning sun.

"I care about you Haru, it's not like you to be that upset of course I'm gonna worry" he smiled his arm still around the ravenettes shoulder.

"Thanks" he blushed slightly making Makoto chuckle as he released his friend.

"Wanna have breakfast at my place, I have mackerel?" The sparkling blue eyes said it all.

~

Rei sat on his bed fresh out of the shower with a towel slung over his head encasing him in darkness, not like he needed the towel for that the curtains were drawn and he hadn't switched the lights on. His phone lay beside him although it had long since stopped vibrating, Nagisa had sent him about 30 texts so far but they had petered out, he guessed because the boy had to sleep or needed tests doing. The fact that he knew the boy was worried for him just made him feel worse, he couldn't get the image of those pink eyes filled with pain and concern, pain from his words, concern for his stupid being.

"Why am I such an idiot?" He asked himself flopping sideways onto his pillow the towel falling onto the bed, closing his eyes he tried to quiet his mind taking slow, deep breaths.

"Come on Rei hurry up!" The girl called from the car as the blunette slammed the door shut behind him, his coat half unbuttoned as he tried to wrap a scarf round his neck.

"Sorry, sorry I overslept!" He defended as he slid into the car closing the door as it pulled away from his apartment.

"We're gonna be late you twonk" the girl giggled as she turned onto the main road swerving as rei clipped his seatbelt in and adjusted his glasses. He grinned back as they drove up to the traffic lights not noticing the orange changing to red because their focus was on sharing a smile, laughing at rei's unusual tardiness. He turned back to the road just in time to see headlights speeding in their direction, time seemed to slow down as he reached out to try and stop it, do anything he could to stop it.

"Akiiii!" He yelled as she desperately tried to turn the steering wheel in time to avoid the inevitable, the car collided into the right side of the vehicle shattering glass over the bodies inside. Rei's purple eyes widened in shock as he saw his friends skull hitting the side of the car as his own body was thrown back, he felt a blinding pain in the back of his skull as glass tore through his forehead. The last thing he saw before passing out was his hand reaching towards her, the blood on his fingers was nothing compared to the red liquid pouring out of his friend a large piece of metal sticking out of her abdomen.

"Aki..."

Beep beep beep beep bee-

"...zaki, mr. Ryuugazaki can you hear me?" Rei slowly blinked adjusting his eyes to the bright lights, his throat hurt like he'd been swallowing sand and he could smell disinfectant. 'Where am I?' His eyes started to focus as a man came into view, he was wearing scrubs and was holding a clipboard. 

"Do you know who you are Rei?" He tried to nod feeling his head move only slightly like his body was wrapped in cotton wool, bringing his hand to his forehead he felt jagged stitches and his fingers came away slightly bloody.

"You've been in an accident Rei, we're going to have to check your vitals okay? You probably have a concussion but luckily no serious injuries..." The events of the crash suddenly shot through the blunettes mind in a flash of pain.

"A-aki, where is she..?" He choked out through strained vocal chords, he attempted to get up but was gently pushed back onto the bed by a strong hand.

"Rei you need to rest, you're in shock and should calm down first" before he could say another word he felt his body go limp as his eyelids fluttered shut.

He woke up sweating unaware that he had fallen asleep, his body may have healed but his mind was far from it. Of course he hadn't told anyone about the nightmares, every night was like walking through a mind field never knowing when he was going to blow something up, or in this case have horrible flashbacks. Noticing the change in light he realised he had slept through to the next day, not bothering to check whether he had work or not he sat up and leaned against the wall.

"I deserve this" he whispered as he wiped the sweat off his skin, so much for taking a shower he guessed as he realised his phone was still on the bed next to him. Reluctantly he picked it up and unlocked it being greeted by a multitude of missed messages, all from Nagisa bar one at the very top.

To: Rei  
From: Aki  
Sent: 9:15am

Oi, why am I waking up and not seeing your 'beautiful' face? I'm fine you idiot, well mostly but I mean I did lose those 5lbs I wanted to. You had better come see me and Nagisa too the poor boy has been worried sick, literally I mean it wasn't pretty.   
Nudge, you finally made a guy friend *sparkles*

Aki

'She's...okay?" He thought reading and rereading the text three times before the words sank in properly, grabbing his coat he stumbled out of the door and started running down the street, he didn't have a car so he had to take the bus. When he arrived he ran upstairs hesitating, should he see Nagisa first or...no he wasn't sure if he had the courage to face her while he was fighting with the blonde. The blunette had read over the texts from his friend on the way there most of them apologising and asking if he was alright accompanied by elaborate emoticons, it made him feel guilty for taking things out on him.

"Nagisa I-" he pushed open the door to see the blonde sitting up in bed laughing, at the end of the bed a girl in a wheelchair sat covering her mouth with her hands as she laughed. They both stopped as the blunette entered, Nagisa stared at him with his big magenta eyes whilst the girl gave the boy a deadpanned expression.

"Aki..." He said taking a step into the room, she crossed her arms rolling her pale eyes.

"Well don't just stand there get in here" she gestured and he obliged shutting the door behind him, he kept flicking his eyes to and from Nagisa and the floor awkwardly.

"Are you gonna apologise to the boy or not, I haven't got all day" she sighed giving the purple eyed boy a push from behind, he stumbled slightly towards the bed and looked the blonde in the eyes.

"Nagisa, I-I'm so sorry for what I said I was just upset, I didn't mean to take it out on you" Nagisa smiled wiping the tears that had formed in his eyes, he yanked rei's shirt pulling him into a hug.

"It's okay rei, I'm just glad you're alright" he held on tightly burying his face into rei's hair with a surprisingly strong grip considering, rei gently put his arms around the boys small frame and hugged back.

"See that wasn't so hard was it?" She smiled something rei hadn't seen for what felt like a really long time, with Nagisa's grinning face squished against his cheek he felt his own lips turning up.

"I think I owe you guys an explanation" he said nervously pulling away from Nagisa and sitting down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally got Rei and Nitori's backstory things done!  
> I know Makoto and Haru's is short forgive me they're hard to write for  
> and Aki is not fully healed though she may seem it now


	9. Chapter nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin imposes his habits onto Nitori  
> Makoto finds juggling work and family a challenge  
> Rei finally admits some things

“Nitori wake up” the grey haired boy blearily blinked rapidly in surprise, why was someone shaking him? No one ever touched him unless it was dish out violence or medical assistance. His vision cleared as he rubbed his eyes and he saw red irises staring down at him, Rin moved back as the boy sat up and yawned, it was pleasant to not wake up in a cold sweat for once.

“You awake now?” the redhead grumbled and Nitori noticed he looked a little flushed, glancing down at himself he wondered if it was because he wasn’t covered by his duvet anymore, with his t shirt and shorts his legs were exposed. ‘He probably doesn’t want to be reminded of his own scars’ he thought guiltily and pulled the bedding over his bare skin, he didn’t want to mess up what he had with Rin even though it wasn’t the most normal friendship.

“I’ll leave you to get dressed” Nitori nodded and the redhead nodded at him before stepping outside, he leaned against the door breathing out deeply. ‘What is he thinking dressing like that?” he ran a hand through his maroon locks trying to shake his embarrassment, the boy had just looked so innocent blinking up at him with his blue eyes. Of course Rin hadn’t failed to notice the marks on his thighs almost identical to his own and it made a part of him feel sick but at the same time, it was nice to know that at least one person in his life understood him. He knocked on the door with the back of his knuckles and heard the all clear from his roommate, the grey haired boy was dressed now which made Rin feel more comfortable although he still looked naiive with his sleeves up to his fingertips and his mismatching socks.

“W-why did you wake me up?” he asked nervously as the redhead walked over to his bed and handed a bag to the male. 

“We’re cleaning today” Nitori’s blue eyes wandered over to his side of the room, he was surprised Rin hadn’t brought it up sooner, his clothing was everywhere hence his habit of wearing odd socks, he saw various stress balls and mental health books his therapist had recommended were sticking out from his drawers.

“…Okay” he resigned himself to his fate and started picking up t shirts, he had always had a tendency to let tidying slip away from him and depression had only made it that much worse, why should he worry about cleaning when he didn’t have to motivation to get out of bed most days.

They worked for about two hours, Rin was done with his side after about 30 minutes and decided to help Nitori, since he had mainly brought it up for his benefit anyway. The grey haired male got a little anxious every time the redhead leaned over him or brushed against his arm when he walked past, such a feeling of normalcy was alien to him. Despite the somewhat boring task he was undertaking as time passed Nitori felt more comfortable with the company especially since it was his roommate, or maybe he should call him friend now? He had said that they were friends and the word made his chest feel a little bit lighter as he folded and placed the last jumper into his drawer. Rin straightened up and looked around the room nodding in approval as he reached for a hair and on his wrist and tied his hair up into a small ponytail, Nitori guessed he was going for a run and reached for a book to read.

"Do you wanna come with me?" The boy paused his fingers resting on the first page, he hadn't actually gotten up the motivation to read yet so the book wasn't even bookmarked yet.

"Are you sure?" He knew that jogging was somewhat of a stress reliever for the male and he went out for about an hour most days, aside from when his family were visiting.

"As long as you keep up" the grey haired male grabbed his inhaler from its place on his shelf and stuck it in his pocket slipping into a pair of trainers, Rin was already at the door holding it open for him.

~

Haru strolled into work at the usual time for a Friday morning, greeted his colleagues with a silent nod of the head and picked up his to do list noticing an extra chart on top which he assumed was important, he picked it up and flipped over the paper. ‘Tachibana…?’ he thought as he scanned over the chart also locating that the patient was male he picked up his pace, he hadn’t seen Makoto in the last few days because he had been busy with two of his patients in the ICU. He was nearing a run as he walked through the corridors finally arriving at the room on the chart and practically flung the door open, his sharp gaze going straight to the olive haired boy.

But he wasn’t lying in the bed as Haru had first assumed.

“Oh, Haru…you’re here” green eyes looked back at him with a glazed quality, the irises were dull but full of different emotions, he could see worry crushing his tall frame as he hunched over where he sat.

“Makoto, what happened?” Haru was shocked at the transformation and allowed himself to look at the figure in the bed, white sheets tucked under the chin, light brown hair fanned out as they slept.

“Ren…” thinking back Haru wasn’t sure why he thought it would be Makoto since he was a pediatrician, but seeing the name had made him momentarily lose his sense of reason, while he was slightly relieved it wasn’t his best friend in the bed that feeling soon faded at the sight of the young boy. He didn’t want to be insensitive towards Makoto by forcing him to relive whatever had happened so he consulted the chart for details catching the words ‘spinal injury’ located in the lower back and tailbone. Haru understood Makoto’s concern and was about to comfort him when he recognised the males attire.

“Makoto, are you at work right now?” the male looked up dazed as if he had forgotten someone else was standing there, he glanced down at his scrubs and stood up knocking the chair over jumping at the noise.

I came in here to set up and IV…I think” Haru shook his head and bent down the set the chair upright, he looked hard into his friend’s eyes hoping he would get through to him.

“You can’t let this get in the way of work Makoto, there are other children who are depending on you and if you make a mistake it could cost them dearly” he saw some colour return to the green eyes as Makoto realized what he had been doing and how serious the consequences could be, he could lose his job and future jobs or worse a patient.

“You’re right Haru” he picked up the needle from the table and held it over the blue vein on his brother’s hand, his own hands were shaking and he couldn’t bring himself to insert the needle in case he hurt the boy.

“I can’t do this right now” he handed the equipment to the ravenette who stared at the door as it swung shut before sighing and expertly sliding the needle into the skin, he was worried for Makoto. The male was so caring his patient’s pain was his pain, he was able to construct strong relationships with the children easily and had skill to performing monotonous procedures but this was the downside. He cared too much and now he was breaking down.

“It’s not even that serious” he whispered to himself as he locked the cubicle door behind him sitting down on the cold plastic lid, he knew it was appalling of him to behave this way at work and he felt guilty that he wasn’t able to even insert an IV. But it was his family, Ren was hurt enough already and Makoto would never forgive himself if he was the one to cause him pain, he breathed out grateful that Haru had been assigned to him because he knew he was in good hands. 

“I need to pull myself together” he said into his hands as they covered his face in an attempt to stop the tears from falling, he knew that damage to the sacral nerves was minimal and the boy would likely be able to walk just fine but he couldn’t forgive his own weakness. This in turn made him feel even worse, how could he be sitting here feeling sorry for himself when his brother was lying in a hospital bed worse off? He grabbed some toilet roll and wiped his eyes not bothering to look in the mirror as he exited the bathroom, Haru was standing outside a hand extended with a stethoscope in it belonging to Makoto.

“I’ll walk with you to your next patient” the olive haired male nodded and managed a small smile, Haru always kept him in line when it came to work and he resolved to always keep in mind that people’s lives were in his hands. No matter how terrifying that thought was sometimes.

~

"When I woke up and they told me what had happened I couldn't believe it at first, I wouldn't believe it. But after I was well enough the first thing I did was come and see you, and then I realised it was true...and, I blamed, blame myself" Rei was mainly talking to Aki but he knew the blonde was listening and he wanted his friend to hear this too although he still felt horrible about it.

"But Rei it wasn't your fault" the girl interjected but he sighed and shook his head.

"Aki do you remember the crash at all?" She furrowed her brow in thought before shaking her head defeated, it annoyed her that she had large chunks of her memory missing and the accident wasn't the only thing she couldn't recall.

"I was late that day, and in the car we were joking around and were slow to respond to the lights changing when another car came from the other direction and slammed into the driver side, your side" the room was silent save for the blunette’s heavy breathing as he relived the moment again, he put his head in his hands so they wouldn't see the tears rolling down his cheeks.

"If it wasn't for me, then you would've been concentrating and we wouldn't have...you wouldn't have..." He felt arms wrap around him, they were thin and weak but he sensed a different kind of strength behind them.

"That's enough Rei" her soft voice reached through the haze he has cast over himself, another pair of arms embraced him from the left and he felt Nagisa's scarred hands brush against his neck.

"The doctors told me that the other driver was at fault and that there wasn't anything I could have done, it was an accident okay? So don't hurt yourself anymore, it's not beautiful" the use of his aesthetic brought a small smile to his lips as he pulled back slightly to look into the worried eyes of his friends, he could tell neither of them believed for a second that he was at fault. He wasn't entirely sure if he was able to forgive himself yet but if they were then he would at least try.

"Thanks you guys, I'm truly blessed to have friends like you" Aki grinned and flicked his forehead breaking the three out of their hug, probably for the best since she was still in a wheelchair and Nagisa was falling out of bed.

"Don't get all sappy" she laughed promoting the other two to join in, their laughter filled the room and made Rei feel like someone was wrapping him up in this happy moment. He locked eyes with the blonde as he chuckled and so was the first to see the pink irises widen as his laughter turned into coughing. At first Rei thought he had just gotten too caught up in the moment but it soon became apparent that he couldn't breathe properly, great hacking coughs wracking his small frame.

"Nagisa?" He stopped laughing and stood up patting him on the back to try and ease his pain while Aki looked on worry swimming in her pale eyes.

Then they saw blood trickling from the corner of his mouth.

"Call a nurse!" Rei yelled frantically grabbing tissues from a box on the side just in time to catch a spray of blood the red liquid covering the flimsy white paper, he couldn't stop staring at a single drop of crimson by his thumb.

"Rei...I'm so, glad... You're, okay...now" it seemed to take a great deal of effort for the boy to lift his head up to look into those purple eyes he had come to love and admire, his own magenta eyes were ringed in purple tears waiting to fall.

"Nagisa you're going to be fine okay?" He held the boys head in his hands to keep it upright in the hope that it would make breathing a little easier, the violent coughing was now a lot weaker but blood was also flowing out of his nose now.

"Out of the way!" The nurse burst in practically shoving Rei out of the room despite his protests, he felt a hand grab his wrist and allowed Aki to hold him back and the medical team took care of the situation. At least that's what he hoped they were doing, he wasn't sure what he would do if he watched another friend get hurt badly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone has any feedback or suggestions for Haru and Makoto please share them because I struggle with writing theirs, I have the other two sections planned out to the end which will probably be in another 5 (?) chapters 
> 
> thanks for reading


	10. Chapter ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for once Rei and Nagisa's chapter is the shortest

It was maybe the tenth time Rin had seen his family since coming to the centre, they couldn’t visit every week due to other commitments and there were a few times he had skipped them favouring to walk around feeling guilty. But the last couple of times he had felt almost normal and it didn’t go unnoticed, Gou and his mother were so happy to see a glimpse of the Rin they used to know, they had seen him laugh and smile genuinely for the first time in years. His roommate was observant as well, he secretly peeked at the redhead when he came back from the meetings and the little smile he had on his face before he reverted back to his usual expression. Nitori felt a pang of loneliness at seeing Rin repair his relationship with his family but he was happy for him and it was like a ray of hope, if Rin could do it maybe he could get better as well. 

“Morning Rin” his sister greeted him as he walked into the room, he noticed they hadn’t brought him anything today and was relieved, his mother sometimes gave him gifts which mainly consisted of condescending self-help books. There had been another colouring book somewhere along the line and his mind thought back to the picture he had Nitori had worked on that was hanging on the back of their door, it featured two cats which they had coloured to look like each other. 

“How are you Gou, mother?” he asked setting his mug of coffee down on the table.

“We’re doing well, how about you son?” the woman leaned forwards and Rin nods as if to say he’s as well as he can be, he likes to avoid going into specifics with the two girls, its uncomfortable for him and he’s worried they wouldn’t understand.

“Actually we have something to talk to you about today brother” Gou beamed glancing at her mother for a second before setting her sights back on Rin who was a little nervous by the announcement.

“We want you to come home with us” whatever he was expecting he wouldn’t have guessed it was that, he took a breath sharply before replying in what he hoped was a calm way.

“I appreciate the offer guys but, I’m gonna have to decline” their faces fell noticeably and he felt his chest tighten slightly.

“We didn’t mean now, obviously you’ll finish your treatment programme first and then-“

“Mother, coming here was a big thing for me and I’m still learning how to deal with myself, if I go home, be in that environment again when I’m not sure how I’ll handle it…I don’t want to risk undoing everything” he looked down breathing heavily, he wasn’t used to being so open especially with his family members and bit his tongue as he waited for their reaction.

“Okay, we understand Rin” he looked up surprised, they were both smiling at him, he could sense they were still disappointed but was glad that they weren’t pushing him.

“Thank you, I haven’t quite decided what I’m going to do yet but I’ll let you know okay?” they nodded and all three hugged before going their separate ways, the male was glad he was mending the relationships he cared about and didn’t want to ruin that. It did bring up an important point though, what was he going to do when his treatment was over? There was no solid cure at the end and he knew that there would be times in the future when he would fall over and have to drag himself back up again, but the important thing was that he would get back up again. He reached his room and opened the door nodding at his roommate who looked up when he came in.

“How were they?” the boy shyly smiled tentative at poking around in Rin’s family affairs, the redhead didn’t really mind sitting down on his bed and facing the grey haired boy.

“They invited me to come live with them again” the boys blue eyes widened slightly and he nodded mutely thinking it over.

“I said no” Rin said before Nitori could ask and the boy was grateful, he felt it might have been rude to ask something that personal.

“do you have any plans for after you leave here?” the redhead rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling so he couldn’t see the other male when he asked, he doubted Nitori wanted to go back to his family but he didn’t talk much about his life outside.

“I…don’t have anything in mind yet” Rin nodded in understanding, there probably weren’t many options for the boy.

“My therapist wants me to move into somewhere I’m not alone, a halfway house sounds better than home but…” Rin turned his head curiously, the boys blue eyes were looking at the floor and his hands were stuffed between his legs so he wouldn’t fiddle with his fingernails, a bad habit of his that sometimes left his hands visibly bloody.

“I’m worried about being with people I don’t know, even if they’re like me I might be targeted again” Rin thought back to the incident and the lingering scar on the boy’s eyebrow. His own therapist hadn’t talked to him yet about what he wanted to do but he guessed the conversation would be coming soon since his treatment was due to finish in another three weeks.

“You should think about it, maybe you’ll make a friend” the redhead said pulling on his running shoes and tying his hair in its usual ponytail, he didn’t really want to think about anything serious right now and running usually cleared his mind for a while. He didn’t offer an invitation to his roommate, he wanted to be alone for a while and he sensed Nitori felt the same as he was already reaching for a book on his nightstand, he noticed that Nitori had been reading more often recently instead of laying curled up on his bed with his dull eyes staring at the wall all day. 

“I’ll see you for dinner” Rin left with a wave, Nitori wondered if he would find another friend like Rin, it wasn’t that the redhead was perfect or anything, in fact there were many imperfections concerning him but to Nitori he was the best friend he had ever had.

~

“Good morning nurse Tachibana” Makoto tried not to fiddle with his clothing nervously as he lifted his green eyes to look at his boss, getting called to the office didn’t sound like it would contain good news and he told himself he was prepared for the worst.

“Good morning sir” he replied trying to sound professional despite being on the verge of tears, how would he look after himself without a job? It’s not like he was qualified for anything else and he was on edge as it was spending most of his free time visiting Ren who was awake and walking more or less normally now.

“No need to look so scared, its good news” the relief was evident in the way the olive haired males body relaxed and he breathed out slowly.

“You have a job offer” say what? Not only was he not being fired but he was being promoted to another hospital? 

“Um, w-what does the job entail?” he mentally slapped himself for stuttering but the man chuckled and handed him a piece of paper that he assumed contained the necessary information and forms he would have to fill out. He had learnt that as you get older the amount of paperwork you have to fill out increases and working in a hospital meant he had to sign things about a hundred times a day.

“It’s a fantastic opportunity to further your career and though it’ll be a shame to see you go it’s worth thinking about seriously” he guided Makoto to the door and smiled at him before leaving him standing dazed in the middle of the corridor still gripping the paper.

“Head nurse…” he read his eyes widening at the title as well as the offered salary, swallowing he folded the documents and put them safely in his pocket for the time being. Of course his initial reaction was to go for it, he would have more money (not that Makoto was that bothered with his current income) and it was a chance to help more people since the new place was bigger. But insecurities nagged at his brain, it was a big step up and he hadn’t been working that long, surely there were people more qualified than him? He would be able to keep his current apartment but the route to work would change and he would be in a direct position of leadership. Not to mention the blue eyed male, he had been through all his medical training with Haru and the thought of not being with him scared Makoto a little, the ravenette was the one who always kept him grounded.

“Makoto” he jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder, he looked up to see familiar blue eyes and his hand went to his pocket but he didn’t reach for the contents.

“Morning Haru” his friend eyed him suspiciously.

“You zoned out for a minute there” Makoto rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly trying to laugh it off.

“Are you still worried about Ren?” he asked a soft note to his voice.

“Yeah a little, he’s being discharged soon right?” he didn’t like lying to Haru but he was worried about his brother readjusting so it wasn’t necessarily a lie.

“he’ll be fine you’ll see” Haru gave him a reassuring smile and Makoto returned it as the blue eyed male walked past probably off to see one of his patients, checking his watch the olive haired male rushed off as well.

Haru wondered if he should have told Makoto about the letter he had received this morning, he knew it was wrong to keep things from his friend but he didn’t want to tell him before he had made a decision himself. He finished taking blood from his patient and took the vials to the desk so they could be sent off for tests, he noticed his resident walking towards him and straightened up.

“I heard you got an offer Haruka, good going!” he slapped him on the back the male flinching at the sudden contact as he managed a small smile.

“Yeah” he didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, he knew he would have to call his parents later to announce the news if he decided to accept and wasn’t looking forward to the conversation.

“I won’t push you into it but I think you’d do great” there was a sincere note to the man’s voice as he patted Haru again before waving as he went about his business, the ravenette shook his head gently to try and clear his mind. Despite how he seemed being offered a promotion had shaken him up a bit, he knew he would be able to do the job well it required no more expertise than what he was trained to do but he would have a lot more interaction with people and the hospital had a reputation to uphold. He was content with how things were now working locally but he couldn’t deny it was boost his career if he took this chance, he could become an even better doctor. He wasn’t as self centred as to worry about how Makoto would manage without him he knew the male was stronger than he thought and that he actually did very little to help him, if anything he was worried about how he would cope without his friend by his side.

“Nanase, Yuuki’s throwing up again it might be time to switch his medication” a nurse called him over and he nodded.

“I’ll head over there now” he replied taking the boy’s clipboard in his hand gripping it so tightly his knuckles turned white, forcing himself to relax before entering the patients room he put on a caring expression.

~

Rei paced nervously around the hospital room biting his thumbnail as he walked his steps echoing in the silence.

“Rei can you stop that you’re freaking me out” Aki snapped at him from where she lay in her bed and he looked up as if he hadn’t realized what he was doing.

“Sorry” he said going over to the window and leaning on the sill, he couldn’t get the image out of his mind, Nagisa’s face painfully smiling up at him, blood staining his lips red and flecking pale skin.

“Rei, he’s going to be okay” he couldn’t bear to look at her as she tried to reassure him, biting his lip so he didn’t start crying again. He tasted copper and quickly wiped his mouth with his sleeve.

“You don’t know that” he whispered resuming his attack on his fingernails.

“Okay so I’m not a doctor but that boy has more fight in him than you give him credit for” the words still didn’t reach him, he couldn’t stop thinking about what might be happening right now. ‘What if I used up my one miracle in life?” he thought glancing at Aki, dismissing it as pointless he turned his gaze back to the glass, he didn’t believe in something as illogical as fate or miracles and he wasn’t about to start. If it would help though, if it would save his friend he would pray to every god he knew, throw all his pennies into wishing wells hell he would even ask the stars in the sky. He just wanted to keep his friends. It seemed so unfair that they both had to suffer while he got out of this with a few scrapes and some sleep deprivation, he wished he could share their pain. He could see if was too much for Nagisa’s small body to handle all by itself and maybe if he took some they would both be fine, but life doesn’t work that way. 

“You know this has nothing to do with you right?” she said and he finally looked at her properly, she had her arms crossed and dark circles were still visible under her eyes, he softened when he remembered that she must be feeling tired too.

“I know you feel bad Rei but there’s nothing you or I can do right now but hope he makes it through” she smiled at him and he sat down next to her the weight of not sleeping properly in who knows how long, he let his head rest on the side of the bed.

“Get some sleep okay, I’ll wake you if there’s any news” Aki stroked his blue locks gently as his eyelids fluttered one last night, he stopped fighting and gave into the darkness.  
Rei felt himself shaken awake and he shot up adjusting his glasses when he noticed the medical staff in the room, they were attending to Aki and he turned around out of respect while they changed her clothes and checked her vitals.

“You’re good buddy” she said a minute later after the nurses had left, he looked at her expectantly and she smiled, he really cared about his friends.

“Yes I asked, no we can’t go and see him” rei sighed and slumped back into the chair, he vaguely wondered if he was actually allowed to be here, weren’t visiting hours long over? Well no one seemed to care so he decided it was fine.

“Do they know what’s wrong with him?” she bit her lip the pink skin paling at the contact with her teeth, she released it colour flooding back into the flesh.

“Apparently he needs a blood stem cell donation, but…it might be difficult to find a match” his heart sank at the news, he already knew that he wasn’t a match for Nagisa as he had already offered before and Aki was still recovering. He didn’t think she was a match either but his brain was too fuzzy to sort through the details of blood groups right now.

“I have an idea” he said looking the girl in the eyes, she was glad to see Rei still had a fire in him even though she had a feeling suggestion wasn’t going to be a cure.

“I’m all ears”.

“Do you think you could take a day out of your busy schedule to go somewhere with me?” she jokingly put her finger to her chin in thought before grinning.

“I think I can manage one day off”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have I ever actually mentioned what illness Nagisa/Rin have? they are actually based on real things in case anyone wondered.  
> If you want to see if you are eligible for donating blood stem cells click here https://www.dkms.org.uk/en/register-now (not trying to pressure anyone but hey no one I know actually knows this is a thing)
> 
> hope you enjoyed :)


	11. Chapter eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> probably only one chapter left guys! it's been so much fun writing this and pretty emotional too so I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have.

‘Bonsai House huh?’ Rin thought as he looked up at the building, it was the first time he had been outside properly in almost three months and he could feel a little anxiety swirling in his stomach, but there might be more than one cause for that. His roommate was adjusting to his new medication and it wasn’t easy for either of them, he still suffered with nightmares which often resulted in neither of them getting much sleep and Nitori was fatigued in general anyway. But they were both starting to notice improvements, his mood was better some days and he ate more, was starting to have colour in his skin and Rin noticed that there hadn’t been any long ‘showers’ in a while. Maybe he could get him something while he was out to celebrate, would that be insensitive? Considering the fact it was Rin the grey haired male would probably think not.

But back to the house, there was a large tree in the front garden area with its branches swaying in the breeze and a few benches dotted around, sighing the redhead gathered himself and went inside. He looked around the simple lobby area before he was given a leaflet and directed up the stairs, there were three or four rooms on each floor with a bed or set of two inside each one. It seemed like a cold place and he didn’t like the idea of being with people he didn’t know. After looking around thoroughly he thanked the man who had greeted him and left feeling shivery and felt cold sweat running down his back, he didn’t want to live somewhere like that. His therapist had advised him to stay in a halfway house for a while after she found out about the injuries on his thighs and the wounds he still caused himself whenever he got angry and punched walls. Or basically any time he got overly emotional and there was something nearby he could hit or kick. But after seeing one for himself he decided that it wasn’t for him, however the day wasn’t over yet, and he still had to make a few stops before heading back.

The second place on his list was Sakura court, a small housing area that was near enough to the city that he could visit Gou and his mother easily but far enough way that it would be quiet most of the time. Technically this was a secret as no one knew he was coming here but there was a reason he had picked today to leave the facility. There was an open day for one of the apartments, two bedrooms with a small garden and it even came with a parking space. 

“This everyone? Feel free to come inside” a woman dressed smartly gestured to the front door, Rin felt weird knowing that he was somewhat different to the people around him and was probably the only one who hadn’t interacted with strangers in a while. But then again he thought, you never know what people are hiding, appearances are deceiving. The house had a nice sized living room with a fake fireplace and a large window, he walked through to the kitchen, it was a little narrow but decent enough with a monochrome colour scheme that he liked. The garden wasn’t a bad size either about half the size of his one back at his mother’s and he could see himself sitting out there in the evenings with a cup of tea, he had switched to drinking it all the time now in place of alcohol. He liked the calming effect it had on it although he had to admit it sounded so cliché. Upstairs were the two bedrooms each one able to fit a double bed with room for other furniture and a tiny box room sat at the end that was currently being used as a study. Of course there was a bathroom with a bath/shower, toilet, sink all the necessities and Rin didn’t honestly pay that much attention to it. Satisfied with what he had seen he went downstairs and saw that the estate agent was the only one standing outside, she smiled as he came over which was a little weird for him because it was a different expression to the ones he usually saw. She obviously smiled as part of her job but it wasn’t the same as the staff who smiled at him on a daily basis. 

“Can I help you sir?” he took a deep breath to calm his nerves, he had never actually done this sort of thing before.

“How much is the asking price?” to her credit if she felt Rin couldn’t afford it she didn’t show it or at least not outwardly as she checked her piece of paper.

“Around £195, 000” he blew out, that wasn’t too bad and it was probably that good because it was far out and the area wasn’t near anywhere popular, but that was perfect for Rin.

“Okay thanks, I’ll be in touch” he handed her a slip of paper with his name and contact details on it and she gave his a business card and some information on the property in return.

‘Now off to the next place’ he thought as he held his arm out for the bus, he would’ve walked but the next location wasn’t that close to Sakura court. When he jumped off the bus his red eyes immediately latched onto the hill he was about to climb, while he did so an analogy came into his mind, one that he saw on the wall outside his room every day. 

‘Improvement is an uphill battle, but the higher your climb the more beautiful the view is’, he reached the top and thought about his view, it was certainly a lot better than it was a few months or even a few weeks ago. He wanted to know what lay ahead, to see sights he had never seen before.

“Hey, dad” he stood before the slab of granite his gaze softening slightly as he placed the flowers in his hand on the ground.

“I wonder what you’d say if you could see me now” he mumbled turning his face towards the horizon, the sparkling line of the ocean and it calmed him so he was ready to talk again.

“I wasn’t doing so well there for a while dad, and I know I’ve got a long road ahead of me, but I’ll keep trying my best to take care of mum and Gou too I promise” he grinned widely something he hadn’t done in a long time, bumping his fist against the grave he said his goodbye, until next time.

‘One last stop’ thought the redhead as he slumped tiredly into his seat on the bus looking out the window at the world passing by, putting his hand in his pocket his fingers brushed against something and he pulled out a long black wire attached to a device. ‘I forgot I brought these’ he nestled the earphones into his ears and pressed play, weird that his music tastes hadn’t changed that much, his state of mind constantly flip flopped all over the place. When he reached his stop he headed into the nearest corner shop and headed towards the cake aisle, he chose a simple vanilla sponge with a light layer of frosting on it grabbed some diet coke and went to pay.

“That’ll be £3.40” Rin handed over the note in his pocket and put most of his change in the charity box, he took his plastic bag of treats and left, it was only a short walk back to the facility and he took his time.

“Welcome back Rin” he was surprised to see his therapist greeting him, he would have assumed she had better things to do, like the things she was paid to do but whatever not his problem.

“Thanks again for authorizing this” he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

“It’s the first favour you’ve asked me, did you get all you needed?” he nodded and she smiled before going in the opposite direction to where the redhead was walking. 

“I’m back” he greeted Nitori who looked like he’d just woken up, Rin was glad the boy had clothes on this time, well joggers and a t-shirt but good enough. Rin held up the bag in front of the confused blue eyes before dropping it lightly into his lap, he blinked sleepily as he pulled the small box out and opened the lid.

“Rin…is this?” his eyes looked over the frosting, the blue letters spelling out his name, holding up a can of coke he frowned and looked up.

“Happy birthday roomie” he knew he wouldn’t be able to call him that for much longer so he might as well use it while he can.

“Rin I…thank you” he wiped tears from his eyes and he sniffed and tossed Rin a can of coke trying to act like a normal person would even though he was sure this was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for him.

“I asked my therapist, in case you were wondering how I knew” the redhead caught the can and popped the top taking a long swig of the caffeinated drink. 

“Thank you Rin” he shrugged embarrassed as he pulled out the papers from his hoodie.

“Here” he handed them to the boy who was confused and lowered his can, why was Rin giving him documents for a house?

“Nitori, when we get out of here, do you maybe…wanna live with me?”.

~

“Come on Ren!” his sister called as she ran ahead, he was still a little shaky and he had his crutches with him just in case but he was managing well, of course it helped that his big brother was a nurse and Haru was also on hand should anything happen. Ren hurried after his sister, she had finished all her work for college so she could spend the weekend with her family, even Haru’s family had come along for the ride although the atmosphere was a little tense with their son. Makoto and Haru had an awkward mood of their own since both were keeping secrets from the other, neither had yet to make a decision partially out of fear of what the other might say. So when Mrs. Tachibana had called up the olive haired male and invited him and Haru to come and stay with them for the weekend they had both agreed, maybe a change in scenery would clear their minds.

“Hey boys, you’re gonna wanna see this” Makoto’s father beckoned them other to the edge of the cliff where they were standing, it had taken three hours to get here but when they looked out over the view it was well worth it. 

“The ocean…” Makoto breathed as they looked out over the sparkling clear waves merging with the horizon, green eyes peeked at blue ones shining brightly in the sunlight, focused on the water stretching as far as they could see. ‘I guess sometimes it’s nice to look at the big picture’ Makoto thought, the vast sea made his troubles seem small and insignificant, if he looked at the whole then there wasn’t a doubt in his mind that he should take the job. If he was being given the chance to help even more people then why should he turn it down? As long as he was happy and he knew he could be, he had adjusted to this hospital he would do it again. 

“We’re just a blip on the radar boys, those waves have been crashing since long before you or I came to be, and they’ll probably still be crashing long after we’re gone” Mr. Tachibana smacked both males lightly on the back before returning to his wife leaving the two alone. 

“Makoto” Haru spoke first having made up his mind, looking back he had made his decision as soon as he read the letter but he wasn’t ready to admit it to himself or to Makoto yet. But now he was ready, he was sure his friend would understand.

“I got offered a job” he watched the green eyes widen slightly before he smiled like he usually did.

“Me too” Haru was surprised but quickly regained his composure and gave his friend a small smile, Makoto wouldn’t announce the news like that if he wasn’t going to accept it.

“I’m sure you’ll do great Makoto” the olive haired male chuckled running a hand through his olive hair.

“I don’t need to tell you that you’ll be great Haru” the ravenette turned away slightly embarrassed but he let the other see his smile so he knew he was actually happy.

“Haruka darling!” he heard his mother calling him and felt a hand on his back slowly push him forwards, his nervous eyes met Makoto’s who gently smiled at him reassuring him ‘you can do this’. He swallowed and relaxed his face into its usual neutral expression and faced his mother, and his father as well was standing there waiting for him.

“Isn’t there something you want to tell us son?” they both looked at him expectantly, he had never gotten round to calling his parents about the letter having been unable to make a decision, obviously they knew something was up though.

“I’m accepting a job at a hospital across town, a promotion” he had been dreading this conversation and turned his eyes to the ground.

“That’s great Haruka” he wasn’t expecting the genuine tone of happiness in his mother’s voice, she sounded proud of him for something that he had chosen to do. Were they finally approving of his life decisions? He had always told himself he didn’t care what they thought, had never dared to hope that one day they would accept him for who he was.

“We’re so proud of you lad” his dad ruffled his hair and he awkwardly smoothed it back down a small smile on his face as his mother wiped a tear from her eye, Makoto stood to the side staring fondly at his friend.

“They finally made up huh?”.

“Oh, mum dad” Makoto jumped as his parents came up behind him his mother leaning on his broad shoulders and his father resting an elbow on his head.

“Actually I have news as well…” he pushed his index fingers together and turned around to face them his green eyes shining.

“It’s not as big as Haru’s but…I’m going to be head nurse at a new hospital” their faces lit up and they rushed forward to hug their son.

“Oh well done son!” he wrapped his arms around both of them and allowed his happiness to blossom in his heart as he felt two smaller pairs of arms join the embrace, sticking his head out he saw his two younger siblings. Makoto was relieved in a weird way, if his family thought that he could do it then he needed to have more confidence in himself, no one doubted his skills and he may not be in Haru’s league but he was special in his own way. 

“Congrats big bro!” ran reached up to tug on his arm.

“Everyone will love you, you’re a great nurse!” Ren beamed up at him and he could feel his weight leaning against his side and pulled away so he could lift up his brother. Laughing he caught a pair of blue eyes and they both shared a look.

“I’m just…going to the bathroom” Makoto blushed a little at his words as he carefully put Ren down again, he heard Haru agreeing with him and they made their way to a small path of trees where they wouldn’t be heard.

“Haru, I just wanted to say that even though we won’t be working together anymore, I well…you’ve always been there for me and I rely on you more than I probably should” the ravenette stood there silently, appreciating the words from his friend.

“But, I’m going to become stronger and give this job my all, and maybe we could still meet up for drinks sometime?” he finished nervously, he knew the male wasn’t one for showing his emotions so openly and might feel awkward. 

“Of course Makoto, we’ll always be friends okay? I, I need you too…I’m not good with people and you’re always there to guide me” Makoto couldn’t help laughing out loud putting his hand up to his mouth to cover his chucking while Haru turned away his cheeks flushed. He wasn’t the best in social situations but he wanted to let Makoto know that he cared about him and that he wanted to stay with him, well sort of since they wouldn’t be seeing each other as much.

“I never thought I’d hear that from you Haru” he felt tears brim in his eyes and pulled his friend into a hug, initially hesitant Haru returned the contact.

“Good luck Makoto” he whispered feeling the arms around him squeeze a little tighter.

“You too Haru”.

~

“We’re ready Rei!” Aki called making the blunette turn, his heart clenched when he saw the boy sitting in the wheelchair, he had a scarf wrapped around his scalp and a blue medical mask covered the lower half of his face. The girl smiled at him as he rushed to help, she was progressing through physical therapy well and was able to walk now although she still had some memory loss and her wound was going to scar.

“Where are we going?” Nagisa asked weakly his pink eyes a little glazy as Rei gently lifted him up, trying not to gasp at how light he was and sat him in the back of the car. Since he didn’t own a car he was borrowing his brother’s, it was familiar enough that rei knew where things were and he held the door open for Aki as she jumped in the front. Resting his hands on the steering wheel he looked down to check that he was strapped in glancing at the others to ensure their safety as well, his foot hovered over the pedals but he couldn’t bring himself to move it. Swallowing he tried to calm his frantic heartbeat as he relived the accident behind closed eyelids over and over again.

“Rei” he felt a hand on his shoulder and he looked up sharply breathing heavily as he looked between the two sets of eyes staring worriedly at him.

“You haven’t been in a car since have you?” Aki said quietly and he slowly nodded feeling pathetic. He had walked everywhere he could and taken the bus when the location was too far away, despite knowing that he knew how to drive he couldn’t shake the fear he felt.

“It’s okay Rei, we’re here with you” Nagisa leaned forwards slightly and put a hand on his seat.

“He’s right, you’ll be fine, we’ll all be fine” not trusting himself to speak he nodded and tried to communicate with his eyes how thankful he was for their presence. Checking everything once again he started the car and pulled out of the hospital car park, it took him ten minutes to relax his shoulders and a further ten for his breathing to even out. By the time he was on the motorway he felt a lot better because it was straight on for a while and when a hand reached out to turn the radio on he loosened up enough to sing along with the other two. His voice was scratchy and dry while Nagisa’s was quieter and cracked, Aki’s was the loudest and completely tone deaf but the harmony was the most beautiful sound in the world to the male.

“We’re here” he announced breathing a sigh of relief as he stopped the vehicle twisting round so he could observe the pink eyes widening as the boy read the sign on the front of the building.

“The aquarium!” he said excitedly, Aki was already out of the car grabbing the wheelchair and Rei lowered Nagisa into it covering his legs with a blanket so he didn’t get cold. Having paid in advance so that the situation was understood Rei showed them the tickets and they didn’t have to wait in line, he was aware of a few people looking at them but shook it off. Today was about Nagisa and giving him the best day ever before…no, ‘I can’t allow myself to think that way’ he thought but he bit his lip anyway.

They went round the entire centre looking at everything from little pink jellyfish to giant octopi although he knew Nagisa’s favourite would be yet to come, they still had about an hour until the show so they stopped for lunch. Rei and Aki sat on a bench while the wheelchair was positioned opposite them so everyone was facing each other, they caught a glimpse the boys smile when he lifted his mask up to eat but they could see in his eyes that he was enjoying himself. Aki teased Rei about his colour coordinated lunches but they were all grateful for the effort he had evidently put into the spread, there was even a flask of barley tea and melon bread – apparently a Ryugazaki family special.

“Hey Rei get in here” he snapped back to reality as his name was called and he saw Aki beckoning him over to join her, he crouched down next to Nagisa and adjusted his glasses as the girl took the photo on her phone. Nagisa was holding up a peace sign and had pulled the corner of his mask down to show his grin, Aki had her arm around the boy’s shoulders and her eyes closed while Rei looked a little surprised as his glasses were falling off.

“Send it to me later” he told her and she nodded smiling, Nagisa chimed in with a ‘me too!’ and they chuckled before heading back inside the blunette directing them along a long corridor for the main attraction. He covered his friends eyes while Aki pushed the chair into position, they got front row since they couldn’t access the stairs but that suited them just fine, Rei didn’t mind standing as long as they could see. He lifted his hands just as a member of staff made the announcement over the loudspeaker and he smiled as the magenta eyes widened happily.

“The penguin feeding is beginning shortly, there’s still seats left if anyone wants to join in!” he shouted waving his arm over his head smiling brightly at all the little kids who had come to watch. Nagisa was absorbed in watching the creatures swimming around so Rei took the opportunity to lean over and talk to Aki. He wanted to be sure that he had done the right thing, this wasn’t exactly a textbook situation and he was relying on his instincts. 

“Do you think this is okay? Have I done enough to make him happy? in case…anything… maybe I should’ve taken him somewhere else or…” he could feel tears stinging his eyes and he wiped them away so no one would see, her pale eyes softened and she put a hand on his arm.

“Don’t you get it Rei? He doesn’t care where you take him, he just wants to be normal and have a day out with his friends for once. This day is already perfect to him” she wiped a stray tear from his cheek and nudged him to look back at the show, the wheelchair was gone and Nagisa was waving at him while he threw fish into the water. His pink eyes sparkled as the black and white birds came up to the glass to peer at the boy, he placed his palm on the surface and Rei gasped silently when he noticed tears rolling down his cheeks. He could tell that he was crying out of happiness and that under the thin blue material he was smiling as widely as ever. 

“See? He’s happy Rei” her voice was thick with emotion as she hugged the purple eyed boy and he couldn’t bring himself to look down and see her crying as well, he wrapped his arms around her as his eyes met Nagisa’s and he smiled back. 

When it was finally time to go he thanked the aquarium and they gave him sympathetic looks which almost made him start crying again, he was last into the car and felt someone poke his shoulder and point at the back seat.

“Look at him” Nagisa was sleeping soundly his blanket tucked up to his chin, in his arms was a plush penguin they had bought him at the gift shop and his pale fingers tightly gripped the soft fabric as he slept softly. The movements of his chest were undetectable because of the blanket and if he didn’t know better Rei would say he looked almost as if he wasn’t breathing at all, it didn’t sadden him as much as he thought it would in fact it almost relieved him to see that the boy wasn’t in pain.

“He looks so peaceful” Rei whispered and he heard a click seeing the girl holding up her phone, she slipped it back in her pocket and turned to face the front again. The male clipped in his seatbelt and pulled out of the driveway, he was still a little nervous but he knew he could manage it. When they got back to the hospital he gently woke Nagisa up and the boy sleepily rubbed his eyes one arm still clinging onto the penguin, instead of getting straight into the wheelchair he stayed standing and turned to Rei.

“Thank you” he whispered as he wrapped his arms around the taller male, it took a second to get past the shock but the blunette hugged him back surprised as how strongly the small arms were holding him. Underneath all the antiseptic he caught Nagisa’s scent which smelled faintly of strawberries and his heart clenched, he never wanted let go, to let this moment end.

“Rei” he looked up to see Aki smiling at him and he pulled out of the embrace as the boy fell back into the chair. He noticed they were no longer alone and the reason the girl had tapped him was because of the doctor standing next to him. 

 

 

“Mr. Ryugazaki, Hazuki, and Miss Yuuki, we’ve found a match”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost cried while writing Rei, Nagisa's and Aki's part.  
> (Yuuki is her last name by the way I didn't randomly change her name)  
> Also I have nothing against halfway houses :)


	12. Chapter twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last one guys!

“See you Monday!” Rin called out as he slung his bag over his shoulder, he waved to a few of his coworkers as he left the centre the sliding doors opening to allow him through. He stopped outside and looked back at the building, he had only been working here for a few months and there were a few kinks he had to work out still. Being around people again was difficult to get used to but he was able to handle his emotions better now and his colleagues were for the most part really nice to him. The aquatics centre was close to his house in Sakura court and the gym facilities were excellent, Rin was currently taking a course to become a full time trainer there someday.

“I’m doing alright” he grinned to himself as he crossed the road, there was somewhere important he was heading today and though he was a little anxious the excitement was prominent. He hadn’t moved onto tackling driving yet but looking at cars online did make him consider saving money for lessons. 

“Hey Rin how’ve you been?” he was greeted by familiar faces when he walked through the doors and he smiled back as he made his way over to the desk where the male was waiting for him.

“Ready to go?” his pale blue eyes blinked in succession as he nodded and Rin led him outside, the boy glanced around having not been out in quite a while and the redhead waved him over to the bus stop.

“Just wait until you see the house” Rin grabbed two seats near the front and Nitori hugged his bag to his chest, it had everything that he had in it which mainly consisted of clothes and books. His treatment programme had taken longer than Rin’s to complete and he was still very nervous of interacting with people he wasn’t comfortable with. His self-esteem was much improved though and he was even planning to sign up to an online course the majority of which would be completed at home, that way he could ease back into society gently. 

“Haha you already showed me the house” Rin grinned and shook his head.

“But not since I’ve decorated it!” Nitori smiled a little at Rin’s enthusiasm and breathed out deeply, he couldn’t believe how much his life had changed not just from meeting Rin but also gaining confidence in himself. When they got there he was indeed surprised at the transformation, most of the walls were different colours and Rin showed him each and every room including his own which was grey with a red bedspread and curtains. There was a picture of a steep mountain on the wall and some writing underneath which the redhead said he would explain later. They stopped outside the last door and Nitori (under Rin’s instruction) slowly pushed it open revealing white walls and a pale blue theme, there was a bed in the centre and some roughly built book shelves on the far wall.

“You like it? I made them myself” Rin nodded at the shelves and Nitori felt his eyes brim with tears, he dropped the bag on the floor and found himself hugging the male. Rin’s body froze at the sudden contact but he slowly returned the gesture, the grey haired boy’s own body stilled when he realized what he was doing and he broke away quickly.

“Sorry, I err just…thank you, Rin for everything” he moved back a few steps and clasped his hands behind his back after wiping his eyes.

“Oh um yeah, that’s cool” he mumbled awkwardly as he tried to stop himself smiling, he had missed his friend and was looking forward to living together again. He wouldn’t admit it but he had been worried about the boy knowing that he was in there all alone, what if someone tried to hurt him again? Or what if he hurt himself? Rin had almost been back there himself when he was struggling to adjust to all his new responsibilities but he had managed to stay on track so far. One of the cupboards in the kitchen was half full of different types of tea and Rin didn’t often get through an evening without a mug or two, going through the motions of making it always calmed him down and it relaxed him after work. He opened this cupboard now and took out some green teabags and two mugs, Nitori finished looking around his room and joined Rin in the kitchen.

“Are you sure it’s okay for me to stay here?” the grey haired male accepted the mug of tea and blew on it gently his lower lip trembling slightly with emotion despite him telling himself he must just be cold.

“It’s a bit late for that now don’t you think?” Rin grinned and it made Nitori want to smile as well, the redhead was still confusing and had a short temper but he smiled a lot more than he used to and it inspired the boy.

“I’ll do my best as well, Rin!” he beamed the redhead looking at him with a confused expression.

“What are you talking about?” he shook his head and brought his mug to his lips to hide his smile, he wanted to climb his own mountain and see things he had never experienced before. And Rin was providing him a safe environment in which to do this, and for that he would be forever grateful. Rin would probably never admit it but he was grateful too, it was a bit lonely by himself and he didn’t have to worry about not being himself around Nitori, he had accepted him at his worst. But now it’s time to show each other their best. 

~

The first few weeks had flown by for Makoto, learning the new building the names of the staff and easing into the role of head nurse had kept him busy. Closing the door to his locker and waving goodbye to a few of his colleagues with a smile on his face he headed out to his car, the headlights greeting him as he clicked the keys. He ran a hand lovingly over the bonnet the green paintwork smooth under his fingers, his parents insisted that he needed a way to get to work that wouldn’t take three hours and end with him exhausted before even stepping onto the premises. So they chipped in for a car and Makoto loved the vehicle dearly despite only having her for a few months and always got offended when Haru joked about not liking the interior. The ravenette had opted for a motorcycle with a deep blue gloss over it and a matching helmet with lighter blue accents to look like waves/flames (Makoto could never figure out which and Haru refused to tell him the intended design). As he pulled up to a parking space he spotted the familiar bike already stood up a little way away and got out of the car tucking the keys into his pocket, they were quite chunky due to most of his family members giving him keyrings not that he minded. His green eyes searched the establishment until they settled on his friends form and was acknowledged with a slight nod of the head, his padded gear along with his helmet was folded on the seat beside him. 

“Good evening Haru” he said warmly his gaze lingering on the helmet still trying to figure out what Haru had asked for as he slid into the other side of the booth. Quiet as ever the blue eyed male smiled slightly and pushed over a menu towards Makoto who took it gratefully and scanned the options. Skipping over the fish (he knew what Haru would be having) he decided on a nice chicken dish with vegetables and a waiter came over to take their orders. 

“How’s the hospital?” Haru rested his head on his hands and closed his eyes.

“Tiring” he said making Makoto laugh quietly, he knew they were both rushed off their feet but he noticed the corners of his lips were unconsciously turned up as he recalled something. 

“You love it though” blue eyes opened and looked to the side, he wasn’t about to admit to that but he didn’t deny it either. 

“And you?” directing the focus back to Makoto he smoothed his hair awkwardly.

“About the same, I wouldn’t trade it for anything” he smiled as the food was brought over Haru’s eyes latching onto the plate of mackerel as he automatically thanked the waiter not taking his gaze off his meal. Makoto chuckled fondly and handed him utensils which he took blushing slightly as he set the napkin next to the plate. 

“How are your parents doing?” he knew it was still a sensitive subject to bring up and not a lot of people would approach it with him but Makoto knew that he was trusted enough to talk about it with. Fork midway to his mouth with a piece of mackerel on it he placed it back on the plate before speaking.

“Better” the one word answer might not have meant a lot to others but the olive haired male could decipher the emotions behind it.

“I’m glad you guys are getting along now” he didn’t say anything about the self-confidence issues he knew the male had because he didn’t need him to, Haru would sort things out by himself in his own time and Makoto would stand by him. Supporting him without words he knew the male appreciated his presence the same way he did, they don’t need to discuss their feelings to understand each other. 

“I heard Ren got a girl” Haru smirked lightly as he resumed eating and Makoto dug in his pocket for his phone so he could show him a photo of a madly blushing and embarrassed Ren standing with a girl who smiled shyly at the camera. They spend the rest of the evening talking about nonsensical things, everyday occurrences and funny things that had happened at work that week. Taking comfort in the normality of it all, they never avoided talking about the bad side of things but were careful to not let the other get buried in it when something didn’t go well. 

“Alright Hiroto, same as always?” the barman said as his usual Friday night customer took his seat and rested his arms on the counter.

“Thanks, hey are those here again?” he nodded over to where Haru and Makoto were sitting and the barman nodded as he filled a glass with amber liquid.

“They meet here about once a fortnight, the blue eyed one doesn’t say much but you don’t have to be a genius to see that those two are closer than most of us could ever hope to be” the man took his drink and swirled the contents gently.

“You’re such a romantic ain’t ya?” he teased and the barman huffed as he held his hand out for the money.

“I’ve been married almost 40 years I’m allowed to be” they both laughed and the man held up his glass ceremoniously.

“To friendship then” he prompted the barman to pick up his own glass and clink it against his.

“To friendship”.

~

“Reiii I’m home!” Nagisa called out as he let the front door slam shut behind him despite the blunette’s fears of him breaking the hinges one day, he had already given up fighting that battle about two weeks after Nagisa moved in. The blonde bounded into the front room his pink eyes lighting up as he noticed the extra person sitting on the sofa, he threw his arms around the girl still wearing his backpack the added weight almost causing him to fall on top of her.

“Aki!”.

“Hey Nagisa, how was school?” she laughed returning the embrace before he stood up and took his bag off nudging it with his foot so it wasn’t as much in the way. There had been more than one occasion where Rei had ended up kissing the floor thanks to Nagisa’s bag being left in the middle of it. 

“It was awesome!”. 

“I wonder if the other kids share your enthusiasm” she looked at him pointedly and he pouted.

“I’m not a kid, and don’t you have schoolwork too?” he asked noticing her messenger bag tucked neatly under the table by the sofa completely out of the way.

“Yes and writing something 12000 words long isn’t as thrilling as you make it out to be” she sighed but there was a smile on her lips as she rested her head back on the cushions.

“Where’s Rei?” she pointed to the kitchen and he skipped off towards the smell of cheese and tomato which he hoped meant what he thought it did. The blunette was wearing an apron as he bent down to look inside the oven where Nagisa could see circular trays and he silently victory danced before announcing his arrival although he was sure Rei already knew he was home.

“We’re having pizza then?!” he said excitedly as Rei straightened up and grinned at him.

“Welcome home Nagisa, yes I thought since Aki was coming round” he smiled as the boys pink eyes looked curiously into the oven, the first time he and Rei had made pizza together he had cried as he ate saying how grateful he was. No one had ever let him make his own food before and something as simple as cooking with a friend was a new experience for him, Rei had witnessed many firsts for Nagisa since he came to live with him. Of course he had talked with his parents but with three other siblings to take care of and the fact that they had a complicated relationship with their son had led to the decision on letting him stay with Rei. The other deciding factor was the boy’s insistence on going to school, Rei’s apartment being close to the college and university campuses was just more practical. There were a few ups and downs in the beginning and the blonde had actually been quite depressed after coming home from the hospital, Rei would never forget the morning he found him crying his eyes out. He thought that he needed to do something special with his life or it wouldn’t be enough to make up for all the years the cancer took from him, in the end the blunette reassured him that as long as he was happy then his life was fulfilled. So he decided to go to school. That wasn’t plain sailing either but luckily his hair grew back quickly so his classmates couldn’t see that he was any different from them on the outside. His enthusiasm set him apart a little but Rei was relieved when he came home saying he had made a friend, of course Aki and himself were the boy’s main companions but they didn’t share the same education system he did. 

“Yay! You’re the best Rei!” he hugged the male tightly and rubbed his cheek against Rei’s pink dusting his skin as he attempted to push the blonde off though he was smiling at the heat coming from the boy. It had taken a long time for Nagisa to get his energy back and he still looked like a zombie a month after being discharged. Rei had looked similar due to missing out on so much core sleep and had lost a lot of weight from not eating due to worry, ironically Aki had been the one to take care of them both while she was still getting used to walking again. Her memory still wasn’t completely healed and they doubted it ever would be but she always said that she wouldn’t miss a few things anyway, besides the ordeal allowed them to meet Nagisa. Rei had gaped at her optimism but he had to admit that he couldn’t imagine his life without the blonde around even if he did get annoyed with him sometimes, mainly the times when he thought it would be a good idea to put red food dye in the blunette’s toothpaste. His coworkers almost had a heart attack when they saw him, thinking his teeth were red with blood…

“Help me bring things in Nagisa?” he asked as the boy grabbed three plates and shoved some cutlery on top going through to the front room with Rei following behind stepping over his school bag where it had fallen over. They slumped onto the sofa with Nagisa in the middle as the piled pizza onto their plates and practically inhaled it (more Nagisa than anyone else).

“Hehe” Aki looked at the boy’s sudden laugh and wondered if he was planning something that would make Rei scream in a very high pitched voice again.

“I feel like a family right now” he was still staring at the TV and his voice was no different to usual but they both knew that he was being serious. Embarrassed as Rei was about what sort of family situation Nagisa was imagining he ruffled the blondes hair and smiled at him as he adjusted his glasses.

“While I’m not sure how good of a family we are I’m very glad to be considered a part of it”.

“Me too” Aki pulled both boys into a hug that was very squished and left Rei a spluttering mess as they all laughed at him, within each other they had found comfort that they could with their real families and looked forwards to spending the rest of their lives laughing together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally got around to writing this, I didn't really want it to end but here it is, I had a lot of fun writing this and I learn some things as well so I hope you enjoyed it a bit too and thank you for reading this far :)


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